Comments on Our Life Upstate: Is She A Good Baby?

thought-provoking and beautiful - thanks!

2010-02-05T18:25:09.448-05:00

thought-provoking and beautiful - thanks!

I know a lot of people just want to "make it ...

2010-02-02T16:25:51.235-05:00

I know a lot of people just want to "make it stop" but they are communicating.

I love being a mother and knowing exactly which cry she is using-mad, hurt, scared etc.

They just need to release stress sometimes and it's unfair to label them good or fussy.

Very interesting points. I agree that all babies a...

2010-02-02T15:28:53.511-05:00

Very interesting points. I agree that all babies are good and it's sort of a silly question. I'm sure the asker means well, but they do put you in a tough place don't they? It sounds like you are offering your children a lovely home and that they will thrive with you no matter their personalities.

Oh, you have no idea ow much I needed to read this...

2010-02-02T01:02:19.911-05:00

Oh, you have no idea ow much I needed to read this. My daughter was a lot like it sounds Big Sister was like. I used to want to say "No, she's NOT a good baby," but then what kind of horrible mother would I be? So I just nodded and smiled and felt resentful, like you. Then I opened my daycre and the first child I cared for never really cried outwardly very much, but did exude stress from being apart from his mother as often as he was. He was always hiding behind me, clinging to me, running to find me with a worried expression on his face, and if I wasn't available immediately upon waking from his nap, he would howl, and it just broke my heart how fearfully he would cling to me when I scooped him up. His parents didn't practice AP, and while they were very loving and I liked the family very much, I always felt like they weren't parenting this little guy the way he needed.
One day I went to my baby group at the health unit and when I was complaining about my daughter always crying the leader told me how good that was that she could express her needs to me and didn't feel the need to repress them. Obviously I was a great parent she said, because I met my babies needs. That was so long ago and my daughter is still the same (to some extent), so thank you for the reminder - that not only is she good, but so am I.

I think it may be very possible that LS was traine...

2010-02-01T22:35:13.012-05:00

I think it may be very possible that LS was trained to not cry, but it might also be that she is not a crier. B rarely cries when he does it's a big, loud, heartbreaking cry. People initially told us "he's such a good baby" but we've also gotten our fair share of "when did you sleep train him" "you hold him too much" etc. We have never used CIO. People assume that we have trained crying out of him, but we haven't.

All that said, I hate the term "good baby." All babies are good. Babies are not difficult because they want babies to be bad. Someone repeatedly commented on the fact that B doesn't get mad. She wanted to know what might make him mad. It was a bizarre conversation to me.

There seems to be a double standard in which people want babies to cry a lot and the not cry at all.