Thank you. I wish you the best of luck on your ado...

2012-01-23T23:50:31.087-05:00

Thank you. I wish you the best of luck on your adoption journey.

I did not listen to my gut, I had this feeling som...

2012-01-23T13:40:23.650-05:00

I did not listen to my gut, I had this feeling something was wrong with my baby (I KNEW it), but I dismissed it, then it was overwhelming so I started to share it with my husband & my mom but after going thru the checklist : no fever, he is eating, going thru diapers,etc.. we all dismissed it again, but the feeling never went away,I kept looking for something..2 days later the seizures started, then he was put into a coma & we were told he most likely would not wake up from it.. I don't know if I showed up at the pediatricians & said there is something wrong with him - I don't know "what" but there is - if they would have found it. The attack going on in his brain was invisable to us. The seizures were the first outward sign,&by then the brain had so much unrepairable damage, the only hope was to try to stop it. 7 yrs later -Not only did they stop it, He did wake up, he has exceeded the expectations of the medical professionals who have treated him. We started with therapy at home when he was 3 months old- multiple times a week the therapists came to the house, I sat with him, holding him, working with him, learning everything I needed to do. I have spent hours researching, doing different therapies, buying special things for him, anything & everything I could to help him, He WILL reach every milestone/goal etc we have set (or I expect)while my other 4 kids watched, got jealous, felt left out, acted out, they have had to deal with his behavior issues, my exhaustion, my frustration, less of me.(and I do spend time with each of them -it has to be planned & its not as much as I would like but don't get me wrong- they do get attention from me) Resentment is not a strong enough word to describe their complaints, the looks I get & the way they treat their brother. The guilt it throws me into,I can't meet all of their needs,I can't. I read something 2 years ago that I think back to on my hardest days - most of the time it gives me a better perspecitve. "God knows you, God knows all about you, He knew EXACTLY what kind of mom you were going to be - He made you. He knows your energy level, your skills, the way you love each child, He gave you each child knowing EXACTLY how you were going to parent them. Just trust in him, follow him, lean on him, pray to him - He choose YOU for each one of his children".
Also..One day while I was upset that my kids really are getting old enough to understand his special needs &when will they stop being so resentful when I have to give him this attention - God brought me back to a time when my youngest sister was having reading problems. I remember my parents getting her glasses (I absolutely was jealous she got to wear them - Now I wish I didn't have to wear glasses all the time :() I was jealous too that she got to go to the mall with my parents, eat at Friendly's etc - they loved her more I just knew it. Then she was diagnosed with dyslexia - so there was all the special reading classes, one on one time with my mom - I can remember it like it was yesterday - they loved her more (?) thru the eyes of 7 year old.. I watched my older sister also get special treatment due to a medical issues she had - mom & dad spoiled her (according to me at age 12) rotton - bought her all new clothes, she got to go stay at the hospital & then my Aunts - "Lucky" I thought.. I was humbled..I know how my kids feel - although I can't change Alex's needs- I am more sensitive to the other kids feelings and am really trying to include them more in his treatments (because they are old enough now to help & understand) God picked me to be the mom - He picked Jeff to be the dad - but He also put each child in our family to be a sibling to each other. Its all part of God's plan.. We are not alone - many families deal with similar situations - although ours is different then others there are some similarities. We are praying for you all :)

wow yesterday's commenter was awful. you are ...

2012-01-23T11:00:37.692-05:00

wow yesterday's commenter was awful. you are NOT to blame. i went and read your attachment post - you were trying the best you could to foster a strong attachment.

i hope you see some results - however small or big - with the therapies that you alluded to that you all are going to try. good luck with everything, and keep writing.

we are in the process of adopting, and your blog is helping me in advance to be more aware of attachment issues. and i know you are helping others to feel less alone who are in a similar situation.

Comments on Our Life Upstate: I Did Not Listen To My Gut

Thank you. I wish you the best of luck on your ado...

I did not listen to my gut, I had this feeling som...

wow yesterday's commenter was awful. you are ...