Relationships Are Built On Trust

Mistrusting my child is a feeling I do not like. Just recently we busted Sean using more screen time then he is allowed per day. Actually, we busted him about a week before that but when we asked him he said he wasn't and we believed him. He has always been very good about his DS and only using the time allowed per day. I had become uneasy about how much time he was using because I noticed he was having trouble playing other things. I noticed him lying around bored - A LOT. But when he said he was only using his time we believed him. 

Until we caught him. That time he fessed right up. When we said that he had just assured us he was not going over his time he said, "Yes, but I really want to play more minutes." BUSTED! And now I don't trust him quite so much. I find myself glancing at the clock whenever he has his DS out. I find myself peeking on in him when he is in his room to make sure he isn't using when I don't know about it. I'm sort of prepared for when(if - hopefully not) I catch him using too much time again. I know what the consequence will be. I hate that I know that. I hate that I have this tiny little seed of mistrust planted in me but that's what happens. It is a normal thing for him to do and I know in time that mistrust will go away. It's small. No major thing happens if he plays too much DS time. 

However, mistrust can be bigger. And with Makenzie it is bigger. Every RAD parent out there will tell you to document EVERYTHING you are doing to treat your child. Have the therapists phone numbers in your phone at all times. Be prepared. Because at some point they are going to accuse you of abuse. CPS will most likely be called. And your whole life is in danger when that happens. You must be prepared for it.You have to be prepared to prove that you are not doing what she says you are. That scares me. 

That fear causes an even greater distance between her and me. I see her as a threat a lot of the time. I have to protect the others from her when she is raging. I have to remove her from rooms when she is not getting her way. I cannot leave the baby in a room with Makenzie when I am not there. Mikaela recently told me that when she and Kenzie shared a room Kenzie tried to push her out of her bed at night. I wonder if that is where some of her nightmares have come from. Then I have to worry that she may have CPS called in. To protect her? From us?! Yeah, lots of mistrust - and fear. How in the world am I supposed to bond with her? And if I cannot bond with her how is she supposed to bond with me? UGH!!!!