It's Complex

I have had a few people leave me comments with information on who to contact or where to start learning about disruption. I appreciate people's kindness. I appreciate that these people have reacted to my story by offering me help. I appreciate that these people see the pain my family is in and want to help us get out of it. I really truly do. 

I have struggled with how to respond to them. I feel at a loss as to what to say. It's not that simple. Disruption is not a clear answer. There is more to it then that. Disruption will hurt too. It will still scar everyone. Her, me, Michael and the other kids. And it is not a guarantee that everything will be better even for her. I have read enough birth mom blogs to know that getting her a new family will not guarantee her a better mom. Heck, it does not guarantee her an as good mom. What if I get her a new family and the mom is WORSE then me? What then? 

Then there are the other kids. How are they supposed to deal with it? What will it do to them? What will it do to any of us? It is really very complex. It is not something that we are going to come to easily. It is not something we can even consider until we have exhausted all other possibilities.

The thing is this trip, this bit of respite we have taken by letting her stay with her grandparents for a few weeks is not abut deciding to disrupt or not. I know I have mentioned it. I know I have felt hopeless. Sometimes I do. Sometimes it feels like disruption would be easier. But that's not really true. Not for us. Not now anyway. This trip to her grandparents house was about trying to help the other kids. It was about seeing them clearly and seeing what their needs are. There has never been an intention that at the end of this we will be choosing to parent or disrupt. No, this was about choosing to parent. Choosing to parent all of them.