You Don't Know What That Means

.....Why does it bother me when other parents use CIO? Because the idea of a child crying for love and attention and those cries being ignored by the mommy who is suppossed to soothe the child is absolutely heartbreaking. Not to mention MY child will eventually have to be out in the world with your children and it freaks me out that your Ferberized emotionless detached child is going to crucify my sensitive child who has never had to shut down emotionally to sleep....

This comment (well, excerpt from a comment) was left over at Baby Rabies the other day. The original post was about sleep training. I don't really want to get into the sleep training debate. I will say - for the record - I am against anything that has a child, at any age, left to cry alone because mom and dad are choosing not to come to them. If you are asking me if you should do it I would say no. If you tell me you are doing it and that it is working for you I might cringe a little but hey, I KNOW that each mom does what is best for her family. I will also admit that I commented on the post to say that there is a consequence for this type of treatment when taken to the extreme. That EXTENSIVE neglect of this type leads to what is going on with Kenzie. Jill and I had a respectful conversation and we walked away both feeling respected and heard. At least that is how I walked away and from the things she said I believe she walked away the same. I would call that a good discussion. 

I should have left it alone at that point but I was absolutely astonished by the nastiness of the comments. And when I read this one I refused to respond. Because I was so mad. As in MAD! I suppose it is because this person is speaking about something they do not know. She is spouting words that have no meaning to her. She has no idea what being an "emotionless detached child" is like. She has never, I'm guessing, actually seen a child who shows no emotion. Who has been truly harmed by being left to cry in a crib. Few people have. Few people know what it is like in the trenches of this. And for her to use those terms and act all high and mighty pisses me off. 

I suppose it is partially because I don't want to be seen as the same as her. Or maybe it is because I feel she has no right to talk about this. That I know what this is and she is clueless. But it is also because it diminishes what it is. I told Jill that one of the reasons I felt the need to comment (somewhere in the 90s if you don't want to read through all the comments) was that it was sort of like defending Kenzie. It, obviously, won't change anything for us but it was a small way I could defend her. But what this woman is doing is saying what? That any baby who has been sleep trained is going to be a bully? That they will pick on her sensitive child? That is the worst that could happen in her mind. That is the worst? The worst?! No, I can tell you the worst. I can show you the worst. I want to shake this person and say I will show you an emotionless detached child. GRRRRR.... 

Oh and just for the record go look at Jill's adorable baby girl. Notice the way she looks at her family in the first picture. The way she is looking around to see how she should react. To see what everyone else is thinking. And then the smile! Oh that happy smile! With the eyes looking at someone (mom or dad most likely) off camera. That is not the face of an emotionless detached child. My poor girl? She has the face of a detached child - she's not really emotionless. Goodness knows sometimes she has A LOT of negative emotion. She rarely has positive emotion but she is not emotionless. I suppose that just goes to show even more that this woman does not know what she is talking about. Being left to cry for extended periods of time does not make you emotionless. It makes you mad - go figure!