Who Will I Choose?

One of the things I notice a lot with RAD is that there does not seem to be a good balance between the RAD and non-RAD kids in a family. I see it in the stories that people tell about their homes. The stories of the hard days and the stories of the good days. It seems that someone is always losing out. It seems that their needs are sometimes so different that there is no way to do for everyone. And it scares me. Some of the nastier things that are coming (or I fear are coming) could be really bad. They could require some difficult choices as a parent.

I watched a set of videos of the siblings of kids with RAD describing what life was like for them. They told stories of having money and things stolen. They told stories of having to leave the house several times a month because their sibling runs around the house with a baseball bat. Threatening them or their parents. I have read stories of RAD siblings molesting their non-RAD siblings. I have read blogs about families who choose to place their RAD child in a treatment facility. Or who have found new homes for their children. I recently read a blog post by a woman who is waiting for the time when her older non-RAD child is old enough to go to boarding school. Because his sibling regularly attacks him. And she hates that he is living that way. 

I get all of them. I get every single choice. I get choosing your RAD child and therefor looking for a safe, happy place for your non-RAD child to live. I get choosing your non-RAD child and therefor sending your RAD child to a treatment center. I get not being able to make a choice and therefor just trying to make it through every day. I get all of those choices. I get there are reasons behind those choices that have no words. I get it all. 

And I hate even thinking about it. But I see it coming. I see the behaviors starting. I see Makenzie starting to try to hurt the others. I see her taking and hiding things from them. The other day she came running down the stairs yelling, "I here now. I here Kaela. I here. I play now." This was after she had spent some time in her room for not being able to play well. Mikaela told her to wait a minute and Makenzie pulled her hair. Now, I know that you are going to say that typical kids do this. But just trust me, okay. Get crazy for a minute and assume that I, the parent, know my child and her disorder well enough to know that this behavior is a part of her disorder. I know that is a crazy thought but just try it.  Try to acknowledge that this is one example.And that, if this behavior continues, she will hurt someone. That if she were physically capable of doing so she would have injured Mikaela then. Because that is the kind of rage that lives inside of her. 

And when the time comes who will I choose? How will I choose? Will I let Mikaela or Sean or Deanna end up in the hospital? And yes, that really does happen. Will I send Kenzie somewhere? Will I let the others live in fear? Will I find a treatment center? Will I find a boarding school? Will I find relatives? Who will I choose? How will I choose? This is the question that keeps me up at night. This is the nightmare that I see when I see the future.