The decision to stop punishing my kids for throwing temper tantrums is a good one. I have seen it do great things for the kids. I have seen the way it makes things easier. I have seen their stress levels go down. I am committed to it. I know that it is right for us at this point. Our therapist said she thinks this is a great plan. That not only is it good for the others but it is good for Kenzie too. Not because we are treating her the same way (that would be a disaster) but because she is watching it. Kenzie sees the others getting this love and she sees that it is what they want when they are upset and she is learning that this is what happens in a family. And that when she wants that same affection and love and caring she will get it too. Because that is what mommies and daddies do. They love their babies.
So, of course, I am "all in," as they say. However, I have to say that it is not easy. When I tell the kids to clean up and I'm pressed for time and the baby needs me it is hard to see the underlying factors. It is easier to get annoyed with the fit. I have to check myself. I have to remember that the fit is just a symptom of what's wrong. It is not the problem. I have to square my shoulders and pull Sean or Mikaela into my lap and hug them. It always feels better when I do this. I feel so guilty when I am unsuccessful. I am successful more then I am not but sometimes I am fail to be the parent I want to be for them. I am confident that as time goes on this will become second nature. That I will feel love and compassion more then I feel frustration when they are having a bad day. That I will recognize their pain. I also hope that in time their pain will be less and that they will have learned to come to me and Michael and get what they really need.
And so my Aloha Friday question for this week is what things do you want to do (or not want to do) in your life but find that they do not come naturally?
Exercise. Totally exercise. I need to, MUST DO IT, but I just can't seem to get motivated. I want to do something I don't normally do - run - but ugh, I just hate the thought of it. I wish I could afford a gym membership so I could have some fun like Zumba or something.
ReplyDeleteAnd good for you for taking steps to improve your parenting skills! :D
Well, I tend to be a perfectionist. So, It is hard for me not to try to get my teen to pick up and put away. I have decided not to react to her messiness and just let her know I will be picking things up once a week, if she does not. A few weeks of that seem to help with the teen tension in the home. It is hard not to yell and give a lecture to her, But I am doing it and it is working!
ReplyDeleteI want to exercise more. I want to be healthy, I know even though I'm small, it doesn't mean I should n't exercise.
ReplyDeleteI have such high hopes, but then it doesn't keep up and then a month later I start again and so forth and so on.
I love what you are trying to do with your family. I am also learning to do this. It is hard.
Drink more water, I know my body needs it, but it's not part of my daily routine so I have to force myself to remember by always having a bottle of water next to me.
ReplyDeleteSo many things -- exercise, cleaning the house (I'm so not domestic in the least!), dealing with difficult customers -- the list goes on -- sigh. Some days I would do better as a hermit on an island :-)
ReplyDeleteVisiting from Aloha Friday