I Am NOT Putting My Baby Down To Cry

There is a school of thought that says that keeping Makenzie with me at all times will be the most helpful. That treating almost like an infant will teach her to trust. That I should wear her all the time - pretty much every second that I am not lying down - and that we should co-sleep and all other matters of typical "attachment parenting" techniques (a somewhat amusing and highly accurate name in this case). Aside from the fact that she will HATE this (which, the philosophy says, is just the proof that she needs to do it) the problem with this philosophy is that I have a baby. A baby who needs to be held, who sleeps with me and nurses on and off throughout the night, who needs to be close. 

Now, some moms of RAD kids have advised me that I should focus on Kenzie and let Deanna be unhappy if necessary. That Kenzie's needs are greater. That Deanna will bounce back because we are here. Because she has parents who love her. Because she was not separated at birth. Because she is already seven months old and can now accept that life might not always be what she wants. So, put her in a crib and if she cries, well, she will get used to it. Put her in the stroller - use the double one and let Mickey sit with her and try to appease her cries for Mommy. She does not NEED me the way Kenzie does. 

Well, ya know what? I say "Screw that!" I have one kid who's brain is royally screwed up because someone put her down and let her cry. There is no way I am going to do that again. As a matter of fact I am on a mission to stop and listen to all of my kids' cries all the time. That, however, is still a post for another time. The point is I am not putting my baby down to cry. I am NOT. I don't care what "expert" someone read that said she will bounce back and Kenzie needs it more. Nope. I'm not letting the other kids be screwed up by this disorder anymore. I'm just not. I have had enough of that. 

Inside myself I am raging against the ways that they are hurt by this. And so I am certainly not going to do something like put my seven month old down to cry it out. Nope. Not gonna happen. Luckily, we found a therapist with a different plan. One that is workable for us. I hope her plan helps. I hope the things she has us doing will work. I really do. I am putting my trust in her because she is an expert. But when it comes right down to it - I will not sacrifice one (or more) of the other kids in an attempt to fix this. It does me no good to fix Kenzie just to have Deanna end up feeling like no one cares for her. And maybe the people are right - maybe she won't get RAD. But maybe she will have no self esteem. Or maybe she will simply feel unloved or unwanted. And I will not allow that. 

It feels like we, as parents of a child with RAD, are always being asked to choose between the kids. Either help the one with RAD or help the others. It is a really tough place to be. And we are doing what we can. We are trying our best. I hate the feeling of choosing between them. I hate RAD. I hate it!! And I will not let the other kids lose anymore because of it. I will not.