Different Is Not Bad

Okay, so I am going to write this one last post talking about our new discipline philosophy. I mentioned briefly that we are treating Kenzie differently. And that our therapist thinks that is okay. That her seeing this compassion is healing in and of itself. But I want to talk about the real reason why it does not even occur to me to treat her the same way. 

See, when something does not go Makenzie's way she starts screaming. And screaming. And screaming. The more attention she gets from us the more it escalates. The more dangerous it becomes. The times she has truly hurt someone during a rage generally come when I am trying to not send her to her room for screaming. But if I let her stay in the room with everyone else she just gets more and more mad. She does more and more to get a reaction. One time, a few months ago, she walked across the room and kicked Deanna, who could not even crawl at the time, causing her to roll until she was stopped by the couch. In that moment I knew that I could not allow he fits to turn into rages. 

So, no I'm not going to pull her into my lap when she starts screaming. I am not going to try to hug her. Because the quickest way to turn that screaming into a full blown rage is to try to make physical contact with her. Giving her an audience is a slower way to get to the rage but it will still get us there. 

Lately, the first thing I do when the screaming starts is I tell her it must stop. That she is not allowed to scream and cry (I kinda hate saying "no crying" but it is what it is). Period. She is not allowed. And RAD kids do well with rules. So, if the rule is she is not allowed then she can't do it. This works sometimes. Although it is recent. I have gotten creative with my consequences for continuing to scream. When all else fails and the screaming does not stop I pick her up and put her in her room with the door closed. She throws herself around. She gets louder. She hits the wall. She kicks her crib. She eventually calms down, or falls asleep. Then I go in, I hug her, we talk, we fix anything that needs fixing and she can go back to playing. 

So, yes we are very strict and very non-lovey with her when she has a "fit" and we are over the top lovey with the others when they have a "fit." Yes, we are treating her differently. Yes, we are giving each of them what they need. Different is not bad.