Let's be honest. Breasts are a sexual organ. They are and we all know it. Any female above the age of, oh probably 12, has had the experience of having a guy stare at her chest while she was talking to him. So, really we all know that breasts are sexual. It is natural. It is the way it is supposed to be. Men are supposed to be attracted to them. It is natural. Heck, anyone who has watched tv knows that all of society knows that breasts are sexual.
With that in mind if a young boy looks at a woman nursing her baby and thinks "Oh wow! Look at that - it's a breast!" it is natural. It is okay. And really if we all thought we had to protect boys from breasts we would not allow half naked women in ads or on tv. Obviously we do not have a problem with boys being attracted to breasts. And we shouldn't. It is the way boys and men are made. Their brains are automatically attracted to breasts.
But let's take a second to think about WHY boys/men are attracted to breasts. It is really because we as a society sexualize breasts? No, I don't think so. Let's think for a second about ourselves in a more animalistic way. Let's think about our natural instincts. The ones that go deeper than society and that really cannot be changed by what society deems "appropriate" and inappropriate." Men are attracted to women (and vice versa) in order to make babies. It is why we have sex - why our instincts tell us we want sex starting at puberty. So, boys are attracted to girls with curvy hips because those hips will be good for birthing babies. Boys are attracted to girls with breasts because those breasts will be good for feeding babies. This is not a conscious thought but it is the instinct behind the attraction. It is natural.
That being said breastfeeding is equally as natural. That simple, natural act is THE REASON breasts are attractive in the first place. So, let's stop pretending that it is one or the other. Let us stop acting like if breasts are sexual they are not for feeding babies or if breasts are for feeding babies they are not sexual. They are both. They are sexual AND they are for feeding babies. They serve both purposes simultaneously. But that does not take away from the fact that feeding a baby from a breast is the best thing for the baby. It is what both baby and mom need. AND it is something that our society needs to see more of. The fact is that some man (or boy) might look at a woman breastfeeding and feel a little attracted to that. I mean I would guess that most men do not see that as a sexual act but sure maybe some younger boys mostly just see the breast and with their limited experience may have some sexual reaction to the breast. That is OKAY. Men and boys are allowed to be attracted to breasts - whether they are nursing a baby at the moment or not. We do not care that boys are attracted to breasts - so why in the world do we care if those same boys see a woman nursing her baby? Because they might be attracted to that? Because those boys might grow up to think that their wife nursing their baby is natural? Because those boys might NOT be attracted to that breast while it is in a baby's mouth? There really is no reason to feel the need to hide breastfeeding - from anyone - even young boys.
This post was inspired by a Tampa Public School telling a mom that breastfeeding in the lobby of the school was "inappropriate." There is a board meeting on May 18th and if you live in the Tampa area this mom would love your support. Also, my awesome Hubby (@mrmikesings) has set up a super cool Facebook group - come on over and join. This is a way too common story - women being made to feel like they should not breastfeed in a public place. What if someone sees? What if a child sees? What if that child is a BOY? Ya know what? It is OKAY!!!
With that in mind if a young boy looks at a woman nursing her baby and thinks "Oh wow! Look at that - it's a breast!" it is natural. It is okay. And really if we all thought we had to protect boys from breasts we would not allow half naked women in ads or on tv. Obviously we do not have a problem with boys being attracted to breasts. And we shouldn't. It is the way boys and men are made. Their brains are automatically attracted to breasts.
But let's take a second to think about WHY boys/men are attracted to breasts. It is really because we as a society sexualize breasts? No, I don't think so. Let's think for a second about ourselves in a more animalistic way. Let's think about our natural instincts. The ones that go deeper than society and that really cannot be changed by what society deems "appropriate" and inappropriate." Men are attracted to women (and vice versa) in order to make babies. It is why we have sex - why our instincts tell us we want sex starting at puberty. So, boys are attracted to girls with curvy hips because those hips will be good for birthing babies. Boys are attracted to girls with breasts because those breasts will be good for feeding babies. This is not a conscious thought but it is the instinct behind the attraction. It is natural.
That being said breastfeeding is equally as natural. That simple, natural act is THE REASON breasts are attractive in the first place. So, let's stop pretending that it is one or the other. Let us stop acting like if breasts are sexual they are not for feeding babies or if breasts are for feeding babies they are not sexual. They are both. They are sexual AND they are for feeding babies. They serve both purposes simultaneously. But that does not take away from the fact that feeding a baby from a breast is the best thing for the baby. It is what both baby and mom need. AND it is something that our society needs to see more of. The fact is that some man (or boy) might look at a woman breastfeeding and feel a little attracted to that. I mean I would guess that most men do not see that as a sexual act but sure maybe some younger boys mostly just see the breast and with their limited experience may have some sexual reaction to the breast. That is OKAY. Men and boys are allowed to be attracted to breasts - whether they are nursing a baby at the moment or not. We do not care that boys are attracted to breasts - so why in the world do we care if those same boys see a woman nursing her baby? Because they might be attracted to that? Because those boys might grow up to think that their wife nursing their baby is natural? Because those boys might NOT be attracted to that breast while it is in a baby's mouth? There really is no reason to feel the need to hide breastfeeding - from anyone - even young boys.
This post was inspired by a Tampa Public School telling a mom that breastfeeding in the lobby of the school was "inappropriate." There is a board meeting on May 18th and if you live in the Tampa area this mom would love your support. Also, my awesome Hubby (@mrmikesings) has set up a super cool Facebook group - come on over and join. This is a way too common story - women being made to feel like they should not breastfeed in a public place. What if someone sees? What if a child sees? What if that child is a BOY? Ya know what? It is OKAY!!!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI agree that they are sexual, so that is why I always use a nursing cover. My breasts are only for my husband and children to see and no one else.
ReplyDeleteChari,
ReplyDeleteI think you missed my point. I was trying to say that there is nothing wrong with anyone seeing a woman breastfeeding. If you feel like you want to use a cover than you should - but woman should not be made to feel like they need to hide when they are breastfeeding. It is a natural act that does not need to be hidden.
My question is did she try to breastfeed and be modest about it? Honestly, I don't see the big deal about breastfeeding in a more private place if they are providing it for her. I breastfed two children and I was always very modest and kept myself covered. I don't really appreciate a peep show when a woman is breastfeeding. I have seen many women breastfeeding and just showing everything and I really think that is inconsiderate. I think woman can breastfeed in public, but be modest about it. Just my opinion.
ReplyDeletePookeber,
ReplyDeleteBut why should she have to? I mean really why should she be made to feel like she has to hide. Sure, some people would not mind but she does. And Florida state law gives her the right to breastfeed anywhere - private or public. So, why should she be told that she must hide that she is breastfeeding? Why is so terrible about the children seeing it? And really, anyone who doesn't wants to see the part of the breast that is showing can look away. Why should the breastfeeding mom have to hide because someone does not want to see and yet refuses to look away?
Girl, I think this post is great. You are so right they are sexy to men deep down for what they can do. I don't think women should be made to cover up even if the breast is showing it is nothing but skin showing. Nipples is all in the babies mouth, if people have problems with skin low cut shirts, bikini's and short skirts shoul be banned.
ReplyDeleteMany women say that the breasts are not sexual and that is why they bare all when nursing in public.
ReplyDeleteI think the breasts are sexual, look at all the scripture in the Bible that talks about the breasts. How I read it is that you think they are sexual and you do not think it is wrong for other men to see you nursing even if they look at you sexually for it. Did I read that wrong? That is why I cover up is because breasts are sexual as well. I don't think breastfeeding in public is wrong at all, but as a Christian I believe in modesty. I can't conclude that wearing a tight mini skirt is wrong, but baring my breast just because I'm breastfeeding is OK. To me it's the same.
Chari,
ReplyDeleteWell, when you bring religion into it that is a different spin and I completely respect your belief and your choice. My point was that breasts are both sexual and for feeding babies. Both are natural. Both are perfectly acceptable and that the mom has every right to choice if she wants to cover up or not. In truth most breastfeeding moms are exposing little more than a woman in a halter top is. My point was that the school does not have the right to ask this mom to cover up or to move to a different area because there is nothing harmful to the children (even the boys) of the school in seeing it.
From your perspective you don't mind if other men look at your breasts sexually then?
ReplyDeleteI understand that there is a law in place that allows us to breastfeed in public and I am very happy about that. However, I'm concerned that cases where women are baring it all during nursing will do away with this law and then we will have no nursing privileges other than our own homes.
Great post! Hope you don't mind my adding it to next week's Sunday Link Love roundup on my blog. I love how succinctly this is written.
ReplyDeleteWhen my little one pops out (I'm due in September) my boobs are going to be all over the place. I've never been shy and no one is going to shame me over breastfeeding in public.
Chari has a good (though unfortunate) point about baring it all leading to more regulation. I hadn't thought of that. I personally do not care who ogles my breasts and neither does my husband, especially if I was feeding our child (we've discussed this). It's so sad that our culture is so afraid of breasts being bared to FEED BABIES when in other countries women freely hang out and sunbathe topless.
Chari,
ReplyDeleteQuite honestly I do not care. But my point is more that men are going to look whether the breast is feeding a baby or not. Most likely the act of breastfeeding is going to make them not look more than it will make them look. But more than that my point is that if a man looks at a breast that is breastfeeding and finds it attractive the way the would if it were in a bikini that is okay. In a very basic and instinctual way the man who finds breastfeeding attractive is simply reacting the way he is supposed to.
And as for "women are baring it all during nursing" I agree that we need to worry that the law will change but really in a society where a woman can wear this - http://bitsblog.florack.us/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/string-bikini.jpg - at the beach and not be asked to cover up it is a disgrace that a nursing mom should feel like if too much is showing she will be asked to stop. My point is we as a society have no problem with women wearing things like in that picture - bikinis that are barely there - so why should we object to breastfeeding, with or without a cover.
I breastfeed in public, I am blessed with (relatively) small breasts and big headed babies, so- when I care to be modest- it isn't hard-lol. I breastfeed in Mass, at the park, my kids sporting events, etc. No one has ever given me any real problem. I have a brain and a belief in the importance of modesty from a religious perspective, so- I don't attempt to "bare all" when I nurse, but- seriously- it is most often the fact that someone just knows a woman is nursing at all that gets people upset- it isn't b/c they actually see a breast!
ReplyDeleteI am SO thankful that my boys are growing up in a beautiful culture of BFing families, I know this is a huge benefit to them that the past couple of generations missed, the normalcy and God-planned BEAUTY of BFing mother and child.
I am also thankful that my daughter is growing up seeing me and the majority of my friends nurse their children, anytime, anywhere, and appreciate the natural course of things.
~Patty
What a very interesting dialog. As a Christian and a mother of 4 children I do support modesty of all types. But...and this is a big BUT....the law is the law. I have nursed 4 children (one is still nursing). It has taken me a very long time to move past the shame of breastfeeding in public. That's how people make you feel....shameful. "I can't believe you would do that". I have even had a lady at the healthy department (where bf is highly encouraged!!!!) tell me "I can't believe they still let you do that in public!" (and I was using a nursing cover up!!!!!)I have also had women who won't sit their families next to me in church (in the back row...and once again using a cover!!!!!!!!!! because the "sounds that the baby makes will make their husbands think about a breast!!!! what???!!!!!) people take many things to the extreme. I personally don't show my entire breast and I no longer use a cover up...1. because I am no longer ashamed or scared of what people think!!!! My husband (who is in Bible college pursing ministry) is my biggest support! He's such an encouragement to me. I have often asked him "what if someone says something to me?" his response "I will take care of it" (in a very firm tone) I am proud to be his wife! ok... 2nd reason I don't use a cover up. I have 3 daughters and 1 son. I want them to be educated about the mothering/fathering/nurturing process. If I act embarrassed then they will too! I want to raise them to understand and support...not just breastfeeding but the whole birth process. My daughters have been present at our home births as well. 3rd reason I don't use a cover up anymore....my sweet son is 6 1/2 months old now...you can't keep him covered up! He's doing acrobatics while he's nursing!!!!! What each person does is a personal decision and fortunately they law gives us the right to choose what is best for us. And let me also say...we are not on two different teams here. We all support breastfeeding. I am a part of La Leche League where woman from different backgrounds, cultures, and beliefs come for encouragement and support. Some cover up, some cover as much as they can...but aren't ashamed if something accidentally show (myself included!)...and some "bear it all". No one discourages another. No one says "you should bear it all" and no one says "you must cover up at all times..and if you don't excuse yourself and go to a private place!" I am not offended at anyone in public when they breastfeed. Nor would I treat it like the elephant in the room. I think the reason people are so deeply offended is because our culture has shifted to a bottle only/formula mentality. Mothers aren't breastfeeding at all (or pumping a taking a bottle out in public) and as a result because our children aren't taught at home that breastfeeding is ok and NORMAL!!! they are staring at it in public like it's something strange! My girls 9, 4, 2 1/2...have never stared or asked in shock "mommy!! what is she doing??!!! or what is that??!!! My 4 year old can explain that breasts are for feeding her little brother and milk comes out so he can eat and grow big. Hopefully my thoughts are clear...if your state allows breastfeeding in public...then you are allowed to breastfeed in public however you deem necessary and in whatever way you are most comfortable!
ReplyDeleteJessica
Great post! And very interesting perspective. Thanks for sharing
ReplyDeleteI am from Tampa. I now live in NY upsate, lol! When I first had babies, I carried around a copy of the FL statutes on breastfeeding, b/c there had been a rash of women arrested for indecency, even though they were within their rights to breastfeed in public. I used a nursing cover...sometimes. Sometimes it was 90 degrees out and being indoors for 10 minutes had not been enough to cool us down yet. So I nursed without it. I should ALWAYS be able to nurse my baby whether I have a nursing cover, or not. I am blessed with breast! As a result, people have seen my nips! People have seen side boob, people have see the whole enchillada! It happens. Just one breast was larger than my whole child at birth. Now...imagine trying to hold a busy body infant while wrangling that breast into the right position! I shouldn't feel burdened to be more modest or more private. I can't be. Thats all it comes down to. I can't. It isn't physically possible to cover my boob and hold my baby in front of it. And nursing covers? My first child would push it away from her face, my second waved it like it was a grand marshal's flag at the front of the parade. Flag waving is never discreet.
ReplyDeletelol that's a great post Maegan! very funny! I thought about the heat as well. It can get quite humid here in Tennessee. We spend a lot of time at the park, zoo, etc. It's not comfortable to be wearing something no matter how "breathable" people say it is when it's scorching hot outside! Were you ever confronted by store owners or law enforcement when you have been out? I have had the occasional...uneducated person say things...but never anyone who holds real authority. I have also thought of carrying around a copy just to give out to people who might say something...but I am just too busy these days. Plus the big thing around here is baby wearing. People are freaked out about slinging babies...probably because they have never seen a decent sling before! I guess I have had an easy go of it so far...I haven't really had any big troubles about my sling or breastfeeding! I did find out that our state law says you can only nurse a baby 12 months or younger in public....but unless they are requiring a copy of a birth certificate while you're out....I am not sure there is much they can do about it!
ReplyDeleteGreat post!
ReplyDeleteI have said for years that if we had a generation of children who grew up seeing women breastfeed without shame or stigma, our society's weird attitudes about women's bodies would be greatly improved.
And regarding the "modesty" issue, this is a word I never use in regard to breastfeeding. "Modesty", "discretion", and "covering up" are all about trying to make other people comfortable. People who vary wildly in opinion, psychological adjustment, and culture. When was the last time you were able to make *everyone* happy? Never? Yeah, me either! So I tell mothers that if they feel they need a bit of privacy to breastfeed, they can use certain techniques (clothing, blanket, positioning) to achieve this. Privacy is what a woman wants for herself. Breastfeeding is in no way shameful, and I never want to add stigma to something that is beautiful, natural, and healthy.
What a great blog!!!
ReplyDeleteI had my first child three years ago and ever since I was breastfeeding her I have been appalled at how society treats breastfeeding women!
Seriously what are we teaching our children when we even suggest that breastfeeding is inappropriate?
I want my kids to understand that breastfeeding is the most loving and healthy thing a mother can give her child. My daughter who is three already tells me, and I quote, "boobies are for feeding Logan". Logan is my 7 month old. =)
Upstate mom,
ReplyDeleteBeing considerate of other people is not a bad thing. I absolutely think women have the right to breasfeed in public, but I also think it is considerate to try to cover yourself. I have seen woman breastfeeding who are not covering themselves at all and you can see pretty much everything. I breastfed in public many times, but always tried to be modest. I didn't say she had to hide. I just said if they provided me with a nice room to breastfeed, then I would. My kids always breastfed better without a bunch of distractions walking by anyway. It just seems like we take this to such extremes, like all or nothing. Again, just my opinion.
Thanks for a great post! So often we lactivists focus on making the point that breasts are not sexual, but you're right--they are both. It seems easier to convince people with a simple argument rather than a complex one, but maybe that isn't true and we should consider using a different strategy.
ReplyDeleteI really like this. Although when I look back on the boy I was with as a teenager and even the few later on, was into my breasts because it was something he lacked and he loved that they were round and full and soft. He used to tell me that he was a lesbian locked inside a man's body and if he was a woman he wouldn't stop touching himself! Lol! So I totally appreciate and understand your theory, but in my experience it was just something he liked because he didn't have them. Or maybe unconsciously he wanted to make a baby with me. However, if I ever thought that I never would have left him and it was a very very good thing that I did. ;)
ReplyDeleteActually, if you hear Kathryn Dettwyler's talk on "Beauty and the Breast", or read that chapter in the book _Breastfeeding: Biocultural Perspectives_, you realize that seeing breasts as 'sex objects' is not a universal phenomenon! In some cultures, seeing exposed breasts feeding a baby is seen as totally natural, and it may be buttocks or some other part of the body which are seen as primary 'sex objects'! Unfortunately our Western Culture has so sexualized breasts that it is considered 'shameful' to see them being used for their natural function!
ReplyDeleteI don't see many people making the girls from girls gone wild feel shameful for exposing their breasts. How many men look that those girls and then see a nursing mom at the park and act as if they are appalled or disgusted by what they see. And women...how many women view porn with their husbands...but act appalled or disgusted at the nursing mom. Seems to be a double standard. I just don't understand the attack on women who are simply feeding their babies. It just ridiculous!
ReplyDeleteJessica