I sat in Church the other day and watched a couple who was sitting in front of me. They looked young. Probably early twenties. They had a super cute two year old son. He kept talking to Big Sister. He was smiley and happy. They scolded him for stomping and making too much noises. But they smiled as they did it. Because he was pretty adorable. And he wasn't being rude or obnoxious or really misbehaving he was just being two. And being two and being quiet usually do not mix. I was relieved that they were sitting by us because Big Sister tends to not be so quiet while we are in Church either. So, it was nice to not be the only ones.
But what I noticed about them was how the husband was constantly touching the wife. Not in an inappropriate "go get a room" way but just in a very casual way. He would play with her hair. Wrapping it around his hand. Stroking it or twirling it around his fingers. He would squeeze her shoulder. Had his arm around her or help her hand. The entire time they were sitting in front of us I do not think he stopped touching her once. It was as if he was not complete without her. It was very sweet.
And it got me thinking. I remember being like that when I was young. When I was a teenager I clearly remember going to Church with a friend and having the priest ask if he was my "young man." I remember making out with my highschool boyfriend while on line to buy movie tickets. I remember a time when Hubby and I would hold hands while he was driving. Actually, my MIL found out we were dating because she saw us in a car - me with my head on his shoulder and then him kissing me at the stop lights. Okay, that probably was not safe but still. When does that feeling going away? I do not think I ever decided to stop putting my head on his shoulder while we drive. I just did, apparently. Hubby and I never hold hands in Church. Granted we have three kids. We each take control of one of the girls and Big Brother often sits between us but still. But even if we are next to each other our legs will generally not even be touching. We are usually an armrest distance apart. That physical contact that seems so natural when we were young seems to have disappeared.
Out of curiosity I looked around and no one else was sitting like these two. So, I know it is not just Hubby and me. Oh I am sure there are some older couples that are still touching like that. But at that moment this couple was the only ones like that. And I wondered why? Why does that go away? Why aren't we as touchy feely as we get older? Do we somehow feel the person we are with needs less reassurance? I doubt that. Are we less attracted to them? I can only speak for myself but I would answer no. Are they more in love than we are? No, I don't think so. As time and life goes on love grows - at least for me. So, what is it? What is it that has me looking at this couple and thinking nostalgically to the time when I used to be like that? And why is that even though I want to be like them I am pretty sure I never will be again?
But what I noticed about them was how the husband was constantly touching the wife. Not in an inappropriate "go get a room" way but just in a very casual way. He would play with her hair. Wrapping it around his hand. Stroking it or twirling it around his fingers. He would squeeze her shoulder. Had his arm around her or help her hand. The entire time they were sitting in front of us I do not think he stopped touching her once. It was as if he was not complete without her. It was very sweet.
And it got me thinking. I remember being like that when I was young. When I was a teenager I clearly remember going to Church with a friend and having the priest ask if he was my "young man." I remember making out with my highschool boyfriend while on line to buy movie tickets. I remember a time when Hubby and I would hold hands while he was driving. Actually, my MIL found out we were dating because she saw us in a car - me with my head on his shoulder and then him kissing me at the stop lights. Okay, that probably was not safe but still. When does that feeling going away? I do not think I ever decided to stop putting my head on his shoulder while we drive. I just did, apparently. Hubby and I never hold hands in Church. Granted we have three kids. We each take control of one of the girls and Big Brother often sits between us but still. But even if we are next to each other our legs will generally not even be touching. We are usually an armrest distance apart. That physical contact that seems so natural when we were young seems to have disappeared.
Out of curiosity I looked around and no one else was sitting like these two. So, I know it is not just Hubby and me. Oh I am sure there are some older couples that are still touching like that. But at that moment this couple was the only ones like that. And I wondered why? Why does that go away? Why aren't we as touchy feely as we get older? Do we somehow feel the person we are with needs less reassurance? I doubt that. Are we less attracted to them? I can only speak for myself but I would answer no. Are they more in love than we are? No, I don't think so. As time and life goes on love grows - at least for me. So, what is it? What is it that has me looking at this couple and thinking nostalgically to the time when I used to be like that? And why is that even though I want to be like them I am pretty sure I never will be again?
It's interesting because church tends to be the time when my husband spend the most concentrated time touching. It's a bit trickier now that we have two and Ezra is so active. But I remember watching young families before we had kids who would have their little ones separating them and vowing to never do that. The kids often do come between us, but we usually have an arm or hand touching in some way. Many times I've felt like Sunday services are a way to renew a bond during that reverent time.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, I do miss how much my husband and I used to constantly touch when we were dating and first married.
Honestly, I am tired from little people touching me all day long! I think my husband and I are still more affectionate than most, but it's not like it used to be!
ReplyDeleteGreat post! We have been married almost 4 years and we have 2 little active goose and the third one to soon make his/her big entrance and I think we still are very touchy LOL
ReplyDeletePeople still refer to us as the " Love birds" or ask us "Your honeymoon is still not over yet" it's does make me laugh.
Yes we do still hold hand while driving (and yes the us over the car seat that is between us), we kiss, hug in public all the time.
During pregnancy, my sweet husband will reach over one of our little goose at church just to put his hand on the belly and therefore his child.
I know his love language us "physical touch" and he needs a lot of it.
Will this go away, maybe, but we are committed to express our love as often as we can. And yes that include our marriage bed does not come after children, it's a priority and our children are learning that what real intimacy between husband and wife is :-) They are learning that kissing, and touching your spouse is good and that is all part of God's plan.
A little while ago, we were all outside helping my husband building our new chicken pen. When our neighbor just happen to walk by when Harry was in the pen (kinda look like he was in a cage)
So this man said "See she already is putting you in a cage, wait until she stop giving you sex, then you will really know how it feel"
I was shocked and saddened! Too many older couple stop having intimacy. The bible does clearly says that we should not withdraw ourselves from each other beside for prayer and it should be for a short duration.
So with all this said I think that intimacy is something that need to put effort to do, and we should work at it everyday.
Our priority should be God then our spouse then our children and in this order.
I know full well how time consuming having a young family is, but I also know the blessing of having a well love husband :-)
Thanks for sharing this post!