Being Honest Is Being Supportive

So, for those of you involved in International Adoption you know that there is a world of frustration that goes along with it. You know that the wait for your child is long and hard. You know that the bumps along the way make you cry. You know time drags. You know that even the steps to the process can be overwhelmingly frustrating. You know that the time it takes people to sign a simple piece of paper can be frustrating.

You probably also know that anytime there are changes in the process it can be scary. As soon as the proposed changes are announced everyone goes into panic mode. No one knows for sure who will be affected. No one knows for sure exact how the changes will take place or even exactly when they will start. For those of you not in the International Adoption world that probably sounds insane. But none the less it is true. It is really that crazy and the crazier it is the scarier it is.

Well, unfortunately, Ethiopia has just initiated a change. A change that has come to be because of a silly "documentary" done several months ago. I told you about it while I was in Ethiopia. I just edited it to add the link to the new change. At this moment the change is minor. However, I have seen this same change happen in both Guatemala and Vietnam. I have seen how this changed led to the eventual shut down of those countries. We can argue the good and bad of that but we cannot argue that it happened.

Well, I said just this on a list that I belong to. One with other families who either have or are adopting from Ethiopia. I stated the fact that I fear for the future of adoptions from Ethiopia. And people do not want to hear that. And that is okay. I understand. People are scared. However, I am getting emails from a slew of people about how I am being unsupportive and trying to scare people. I keep hearing that I should remain positive. And I am so frustrated. I am beyond frustrated. Look if people want to put blinders on and not hear what I am saying fine. If people want to say that they choose to have faith in the system or faith that God led them to this path and this country then great. If people want to believe that what I have seen and been through cannot happen to them then fine.

However, being honest about what I see, what I fear, what I have seen amd what I have gone through IS being supportive. I am telling my story and I am not doing so to be scary. I am doing so to support people. To support them and let them know that if they see this as a sign of bad things they are not the only ones. I am also saying it so support people who may think about what I say and realize that another path is for them. I am so frustrated with the concept that the only way to support someone is to say what they want to hear.

I am posting this here for two reasons. One I need to get it out and I am hoping I can close my eyes to it all after posting this and walk away. Two I promised the good people on the list that no longer want to hear my gloom and doom that I will not talk about it anymore. And yet I continue to get very angry emails from people who are telling me to "shut up." Well, I will - on their list. It is all of ours and while I feel very much a part of it I will still respect them. However, I will not be told that I am being "unsupportive" and "mean." I will not be told that I "apparently have a grudge against the system and do not want to see other people happy." I simply will not be told those things and remain silent about it. I feel that being honest is being supportive.

Now, what is there to be done. I say write to your Congressmen now. Do not wait until families are left waiting for months and months to bring their children home. Do not wait until you see the grave injustices that happened in both Guatemala and Vietnam. Take action now. Send letter after letter until you get some answers about exactly what they are investigating, why they are choosing to investigate it now and when will these investigations stop. Be your child's advocate - even if you do not have a referral yet. They are still your children. And if you have a child home already be an advocate for those still there. Write to your Congressmen with the same questions. Contact local media and see if they will do a puff piece on the good that is Ethiopian adoption. And lastly if you are looking to start an adoption to Ethiopia right now - do it quickly. Get your dossier done as quickly as possible. Get on the wait list. Get going quickly. Get there and get home.