Semi-Attachment Parenting

According to Attachment Parenting International attachment parenting is "forming and nurturing strong connections between parents and their children. Attachment Parenting challenges us as parents to treat our children with kindness, respect and dignity, and to model in our interactions with them the way we'd like them to interact with others." According to Dr. Sears attachment parenting "is a style of caring for your infant that brings out the best in the baby and the best in the parents." And according to google definitions attachment parenting is "a parenting philosophy based on the concept of allowing the child to 'separate' from the parent at its own pace."

What is interesting about all three of those definitions is that none of them say if you let your child cry ever for any reason you are not an attachment parent. Yet, that is how people tend to think of it. And so I tend to think of myself as a semi-attachment parent. Because I will admit I sometimes let theSisters cry. When I do I generally feel it is because I have no choice. For example, when we have somewhere to go (gym or co-op classes in our homeschooling group, play dates or whatever) I have to get dressed, I have to pack the diaper bag, I have to get us ready. I just have to. And most days theSisters would rather I sat on the floor and played with them. So, they cry. And I feel insane and guilt ridden about it but I still have to get ready. And so they cry.

Its okay though. I like my status as a semi-attachment parent. I fall somewhere in the middle. The same is true for my disciplinary style. The other day Hubby shared our trouble at church and how I was called "unmerciful" because I was allowing our child to cry. And someone anonymously left the following comment -

Maybe taking an Attachment Parenting approach to BS would help. Comforting her by holding her may make all the difference. Who doesn't like to be held when upset. The usher did not handle this right but by him saying it was "unmerciful" makes me wonder if he is an AP dad and felt that BS may just have needed to be held. Dr Sears has a great site that you could read up on. Good luck on your search for a church.

I find it sort of funny that to this person the fact that Big Sister was crying automatically means I know nothing on attachment parenting. Personally I am not going to give in to my child just so that they never cry. The same as they sometimes have to cry so I can get dressed and take them or their brother to an activity sometimes they get told no and they do not like that. Big Sister is 16 months old and prone to temper tantrums right now. In the long run her temper tantrums and fits will be shorter lived if I do not give into them. So, I would not read her the book in church. And she needed to throw a fit about that. Picking her up and giving her lots of love and attention for throwing a fit will only encourage her to continue doing it. That particular day (the day at church) we wound up back there with her on the floor crying while I stood and watched very stone faced (being completely "unmerciful" ya know) because while I was walking her to the back she hit me. But I guess if I were a true attachment parent I would have held her because she was crying. I would have told her it was okay and allowed her to continue hitting me. Right? Cause attachment parenting means we never let them cry?

Personally I think that attachment parenting means that we raise them with love and compassion. We treat them with respect. To me attachment parenting is placing each person (did you catch that person not child) in the family in an equal place and making the necessaary compromises to give the individuals what they need. To me attachment parenting has nothing to do with how often they do or do not cry. It is not about babywearing (which we do), co-sleeping (we don't), breastfeeding (one yes, two no), staying home (I do), or any of the acts or practices that are assumed to be attachment parenting. It is about knowing what their needs are and combining them with the needs of the overall family. For us attachment parenting meant feeding Little Sister breastmilk in a bottle because of her reaction to actual breastfeeding. For us attachment parenting means hugging, kissing and holding our children when they need us to . For us attachemnt parenting means while we are the parents and therefor the authority figures we allow our children freedom to express what they need and want.

We show respect for their opinions and we make the best decisions we can taking all of that into account. However, for us showing respect for their opinions does not mean they get wahtever they want. For us sometimes letting them cry (because they have hit me in the face, for instance) is the more compassionate disciplinary tactic. She can stand there and throw her fit. She can get her feelings out of her system and I will be there to hug and comfort her when it is over. Maybe that would not be the advice Dr. Sears would give. Maybe that is not attachment parenting. That's okay. Like I said I am more of a semi-attachment parent and I am comfortable with who I am. And more importantly than that I am comfortable with who my children are and who they are becoming. I have just recently remembered that it does not matter how often they cry or what parenting style other people classify me as following it matters who they turn out to be. So, with that in mind I will continue to forge forward creating my own brand of parenting.
Posted on 1/20/2010 Labels: , , , ,

37 Comments:

  1. I consider myself semi AP as well. It took some soul searching before I decided it is OK for my son to cry, it happens, and he isn't going to die. It doesn't mean I leave him screaming while I go about my day, it means there are times I can't hold him when he just wants to be held.

    When we decided to Ferberize him, it was a heated debate held for months. In the end, it worked. And I performed a modified, gentler version.

    It was also under rules, with limits set to how long we would let him cry. Thankfully, it went so well from day one he didn't even hit them. It isn't for everyone, but it worked for our son.

    Babies cry.... and they can't always get what they want. I think that is a healthy attitude! Especially with 3 kids!
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  2. I love your term - semi-attachment. Dr. Sears has frustrated me and made me feel guilt where there should not have been any.

    After NINE months of my little one sleeping two hours blocks we HAD to do a gentle Ferberizing; because I have to work part-time and I have to function and I was too sleep deprived to be the best mommy I could be during the day.

    Limits and boundaries are healthy for babies, and the big kids they are going to grow into.

    Sometimes there is nothing better than a good cry : ) - and I am talking about us grown-ups...

    lisa @midnightfeedings.com
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  3. I guess I fall into the semi-attachment category as well. It is so hard to every hear your babies cry but I agree that sometimes mom HAS TO get something done and playing for those few minutes is not an option. And we should not feel guilty!
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  4. I feel like you have ignored the part of my comment where I said that AP wasn't about never letting a child cry, but never letting them cry without comfort and compassion. There is a big difference. I feel like when you say "What
    is interesting about all three of those definitions is that none of them say if you let your child cry ever for any reason you are not an attachment parent. Yet, that is how people tend to think of it." You aren't really listening to people who actually practice attachment parenting. I have never said that, and I don't know anyone who has. In fact you are the only person who does think of it that way that I know. You seem to think that AP is never letting your child cry. I think when you say "I'm not going to just never let my child
    cry." You make it out to be some kind of impossible goal that you could never reach so why even try. It's pretty much an insult that you think we AP parents think our style and our kids are some how above crying. That you think we look down on people whose children are
    crying. That is not the truth. Do I look down at people who push a child away who is crying and wants comfort because their parent doesn't "like" what they are upset about? Yeah I guess I do. You repeatedly scoff at Dr. Sears and other AP parents because you aren't just going to not let you kids cry ever. It just shows me that you really don't understand what it all is.

    If you read Dr. Sears on tantruming you would see that he actually does give the advice to let her "get her feelings out of her system"
    and to "be there to hug and comfort her when it is over." Why are you so against reading what he has to say? If you won't read it I don't believe you really do understand what AP is. As I said before Dr. Sears is not going to solve everyone's problems, but he does have good advice. On tantrums alone he clearly distinguishes between different kinds of tantrums, and that each kind calls for a difference response. He gives advice on
    how to be the most AP in the face of strong tantrums, hitting and kicking, etc. He also talks about older tantruming children and how
    you have to evolve your expecations over time and react in kind to what is age appropriate. He also gives advice on how to prevent tantrums, ways to be in tune enough with your child to be three steps ahead of that tantrum. If BS loves to be read to, was bringing a book
    into a place where you were not going to be willing to read to her a really good idea? Could you have prevented that tantrum all together? Maybe it would have upset her to leave it in the car, but she could have at least worked out her frusteration about not having the book in the privacy of your car. Weren't you kind of forcing a tantrum in a place
    that in your mind was not appropriate for one? Since you did let her bring the book in, maybe you could have whispered in her ear "Let's go read the book in the hall" and go out and read it to her where you can do so without distrubing others. Maybe you don't want to teach her she can just get up and leave to go read a book during church, but then again, was bringing it in really a good idea?

    Practicing Attachment Parenting has been an evolution for me, and I do not want to claim that I have it all figured out. I know I don't, and I know it took me a while to get as far as I have. I do feel confident in what I am striving for though, and do beIieve in it with all of my heart. That gives me a lot of peace and I wish that peace for you.
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  5. I like this category of semi-attachment parenting. It's most likely where we would fit. We breastfeed and babywear and clothdiaper but we don't co-sleep on a regular basis and I am a full time graduate student and college instructor. I won't homeschool my kids because I am a teacher and feel strongly about public education. Does that make me anti-AP.

    When Pearly1979 says that you don't understand what AP is about, I don't think its upstatemomof3 or me or any other self-identified semi-AP that has the definition wrong. I belong to a local AP message board and while many AP are flexible in their understanding and interpretation, many are not. More than once my AP commitment to AP has been questioned because I choose to work. I've been told that I can't have a baby in daycare or who uses a pacifier and really be committed. Regardless of whether or not those are the "true" AP stances, those positions are very real and they lead to a lot of guilt for semi-AP parents. Last time I checked AP wasn't all or none, it was about instinctual parenting and doing what is best for your family.

    We don't let B CIO, but sometimes he cries and sometimes I have to let him. Sometimes he has to do something or play somewhere or with something that he doesn't want. Does that make me semi-AP? Maybe not in Dr. Sears eyes, but it does in they eyes of several of our local AP parents eyes.

    My son plays with books without me reading them and I frequently have one in my diaper bag at church. That doesn't mean that I'm setting him up for a fit. A melt down could just as easily occur if I brough a quite toy that he decided he wanted to bang against a pew. I don't think it's fair to blame the tantrum on anyone. It was a combonation of events. You could just as easily use that logic to say that if BS doesn't like sitting still and being quiet, then taking her to church was asking for a tantrum. I'm sure that there are other moments when BS plays with books in which the book is not being read to her.

    I applaud you for taking the time to figure out what specific parenting actions are best for you and your children. Knowing why you choose to do something or not do something, is much more important than blindly following any set of rules.
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  6. I practice semi-attachment parenting too :) I'm the opposite of you though. I co-sleep and rarely wear my baby during the day. Since she figured out how to roll, she doesn't want to be held much anymore..sniff...sniff... I do wear her if we're out running errands (that stupid infant car seat is HEAVY!) or at church, but that's about it now a days. :*(

    I let my oldest cry if she's having a melt down over something. Honestly, there's nothing I can do to make her feel better, unless I give in to whatever caused the tantrum in the first place. I often tell her to let it out and when she's calmed down, she can come and talk to me. I've walked through the store with her screaming bloody murder. I kept her in the cart and went on with my shopping. Does that make me mean or "umerciful"? Possibly. But, lemme tell ya something, we don't have that many tantrums anymore. In fact, when she starts, I just walk away. She'll fuss for a minute or two (usually eyeballing me to see if I'm going to give her the attention she wants), then she'll come up to me and say "I'm sorry Mommy..." and we can get on with whatever it is we were doing. I am NOT going to be that Mom that gives in just because her child is crying. What does that teach them? That if they cry they get whatever they want. Is that the way it works in the real world? Heck no!!!!!

    The little girl I babysit for is 4. She spends her ENTIRE day having temper tantrums. If she doesn't get what she wants she throws herself on the floor and cries. She will lash out at anyone that comes near her. My daughter has been on the receiving end of her lashing out several times. This leads to punishment. She stands in the corner completely isolated until she is calm. After she is calm, her 4 minute time out starts. When I first started watching her, she stood in the corner from the time she got here till the time she left. I'm positive that makes me "unmerciful." Her behavior was totally unacceptable for my house. Now she knows it. She has learned that it doesn't fly in my house.

    And pearly1979, if you had read the post, you would have seen that she let BS throw her fit, not because of the book, but because BS hit her in the head. Hitting is NEVER ok. NEVER! And I'm pretty sure Dr. Sears agrees with that.
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  7. G- Don't you think that if you admit to being "semi-AP" some of your actions would be therefor not AP, and in the face of those who do not consider themselves "semi-AP", but striving to be 100% AP, those actions would be something they don't agree with? Why does that cause you guilt? You are either ok with your choices or you are not.

    Shaun-I did read the post. And it all started because she wanted the book read to her. I have actually talked to "Upstatemomof3" IN PERSON about this so yes I believe I understand the details she chooses to share. It does take a bit of humility to look at a situation gone wrong and say "What could I have done differently?" Do you not think Upstatemomof3 is capable of that? I do. I know her well. I have seen her change her mind/parenting etc. on lots of things over the several years I have known her. I merely took a "what would Dr. Sears do" approach to the situation to make the point that he does not just teach parents to never let their kids cry as all you "semi-AP" people like to think he does.

    And seriously Shaun? You openly admit to being 100% sure you were unmerciful to a child? That's really stellar. Really. Did you want us to clap?
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  8. Well, pearly 1979..Life isn't all sunshine and roses is it? Have you never ever done something that may be considered less than stellar in the eyes of others? Or are you perfection personified? Cause I'm betting that maybe..just maybe..you've done something that someone else wouldn't approve of. And again, if you would READ, I said "possibly" not "I'm 100% sure" It's not like I beat her with a stick or anything drastic like that. I ignored her behavior. Behavior which she know is totally unacceptable. I NOT believe children that are old enough to know better should be cuddled and coddled while they're throwing a tantrum. PERIOD.

    And yes, I do believe that she is capable of saying "I could have handled the situation better." And I NEVER attacked her parenting choices or skills.

    Also, where did she state that she was refusing to read Dr. Sears? I'm thinking that perhaps you like to make broad generalizations, misquote and consider them facts. Just a thought.
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  9. Shaun: You said "I'm positive that makes me "unmerciful." I guess I took the word POSITIVE to mean you were sure. I do read. Do you know what you say?
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  10. Shaun, I do not claim to do everything right, but I do not go around boasting about how positive I am I was unmerciful to a child.
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  11. So, pearly..would you have me let that child hit and kick me and my daughter? Should I pick her up and cuddle her while she beats me? What would YOU do? I'm interested. I should also mention that this child is about 60 lbs and is about 3/4 my height. Perhaps YOU would like to come to my house and teach me how to parent?

    And I'm curious...since you've talk to Upstatemomof3 in person..I'm assuming you've aired your opinions to her IN PERSON...right?
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  12. And I'm unmerciful in the sense that I don't take pity on her when she pitches fits for no reason. I feel awful when she's laying there and bawling and screaming to the point where she's gagging. I KNOW that if I were to give her what she wants, then she would stop. But I also know that if I DO give her what she wants, the next fit will be worse.
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  13. Shaun- I haven't seen her since all of this has come up, the situation on the church in terms of AP/Non-AP/Semi-AP or whatever. I do very often share my opinion. She asks for my opinion, in fact the very comments section on this blog says "What do you think?" So really? She and I have talked about how to handle all kinds of situations.

    I'm not sure why you care so much about what I have to say. Upstatemomof3 knows me and knows my heart, you don't, so I don't expect you to understand where I am coming from our where my intentions lie. I certainly do not have any interest in coming to your house and seeing how you treat the children in your care. I can tell from your "sunny attitude" and the "awesome examples" you have given that I would be disgusted.
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  14. Well, pearly..I'm sorry that you think that. You'll never see the beauty that is my children. You'll never see my not quite 3 year old recite her alphabet, write her name, spell or read. You'll never see her baby sister laugh and giggle at the silly things her momma does. You'll never see the mother of the girl I baby sit for thank me for teaching her daughter that sometimes we don't always get what we want. You'll never hear my daughter tell everyone what a great mommy she has. You'll never hear all the people that compliment me because my children are so incredibly well behaved. Truly a loss on your part.
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  15. I couldn't care less Shaun. My goodness, get over it.
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  16. While this is all fantastic reading, why can't people understand and be okay with other people parenting differently than them. No two people parent the same way and, in my opinion, we are all screwing up plenty - what matters is realizing when we screw up and being willing to change, even when we are uncomfortable. There are books to read, friends/"cyber" friends to talk to, and lots of resources out there for those of us to look to when we need help. My kid has some things going on right now. I don't know quite what to do about them. Some of them are my fault. I could have done something earlier. But, I'm doing something now. Call it Attachment parenting, call it placating the Mother-in-Law parenting, call it giving in, call it an iron first, call it loving, call it harsh, or even unmericiful - if it works for my family, that is what's important and no one has any right to say otherwise.
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  17. I have lots of thoughts on all this and am currently writing a full post on them. However, I just want to make one thing clear. Peary1979 this post was not written in response to your comment. It was written in response to the comment I quoted. The one that assumed that because I was choosing to let her cry I knew nothing about attachment parenting. And that if I only read the book she would never have been in that situation. I am not scoffing at Attachment Parenting or Dr Sears. I am simply talking to my parenting philosophy.
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  18. Anon, and others- I am ok with other people parenting differently than I do. I guess I have said all that I have because it frusterates me that the parenting style that I hold very near to my heart I feel is being misrepresented and misunderstood, and by someone who has been a good friend to me for a long time. It makes me feel like she has misinterpreted the parenting she has witnessed me practicing in person all this time. When she says that it seems like attachment parenting is just not letting your child cry, it makes me wonder if all this time she's just thought I have just been doing whatever it took so that my children don't cry. I feel invested in her understanding attachment parenting, because I want my friend to understand me.

    I believe upstatemomof3 is some one who has expressed over and over again a desire to be more AP. That she doesn't want to yell like she does, that she wishes she had more patience. I have heard her say she just doesn't know what to do. I have heard her own doubts about the way to go about some situations. And this isn't anything I am privy too, it's on her blog and all over twitter.

    If upstatemomof3 is content with her own brand of parenting then that is fine with me, and as I said in one of my comments I do wish that peace for her, but I know her well enough to believe that she's not. This isn't a criticism, and I honestly don't believe she would disagree. If she does disagree, then I have seriously misunderstood some recent conversations we have had.

    There is nothing wrong with not getting it all right, (though some here like to ignore it) I have said that I know I don't get it all right. I would not claim to say my way is the best way, but if some one isn't happy with how things are going with their way then I am not afraid to make suggestions. I certainly am not trying to cause harm however you want to interpret my motivations.
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  19. pearly1979: I actually don't think that Upstatemomof3 was talking to you in the post... Going over everything that everyone has written, it simply looks like she was fed up with the church usher opening is big ol' mouth. That being said, I've read her posts and tweets, too. She seems like someone who is always willing to try something new when something is not working and, so, I'm sure has a good friend in you - someone who is not going to judge but is happy to offer suggestions from her own life that she has found to work well. Sometimes, people need to find their own path - they take those suggestions from friends, family (though maybe she won't be taking many of those ones), and anywhere else and come up with the style that is tailored specifically to them. Big Brother seems pretty amazing from what I have read and so I'm guessin' she'll work through the daily struggles, probably letting Hubby weigh in, too (when he is not cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, or writing music). Me? I just want the lady at the grocery store to leave me alone about my kids feet... they're not cold!
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  20. I'm not very wise on the history/dynamics/techinical aspects of attachment parenting. I have never bought a book, and everything that I know is from doing research online. I have always considered myself to be a semi-attachment parent. I agree with certain aspects of it, but not all of it.

    I totally understand where you are coming from when you say that sometimes you let your children cry. I do the same thing, and I may not even be in the process of doing anthing important. I think it's important to teach children some independance as well. I don't think it's right for a parent to cater to their children's every whim. Meaning, if I know my children are crying for no good reason, I will let them cry it out. I won't pick them up, pet them up or even do anything to insinuate that I approve of their "crying for attention" habit. Eventually they get over it and move on to other things.

    I agree with you 100% when you don't give into Big Sister's tantrums. You would be sending her signals letting her know it's okay to throw a fit when she wants something or that it's okay to hit her mommy. And neither one of those actions are okay.

    I feel as if you are not only being a fair parent, but a loving and "attached" parent as well because you are not only showing your children unconditional love but you are providing them with important life lessons and teaching them discipline as well.

    Take care,
    Shynea
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  21. I did not mean to imply the post was written to me when I said I felt she ignored what I said.

    To me, it felt like she had said something was x, y, z and I commented and said that it's more a, b, c and she wrote a note again saying it was x, y, z, like I had never said anything at all. Which is fine, she doesn't have to, but it does lead me comment and explain further if it is something I feel is important.
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  22. Shaun,
    I went to bed ill last night thinking of your statement "When I first started watching her, she stood in the corner from the time she got here till the time she left." and "She stands in the corner completely isolated" Oh and "I'm positive that makes me "unmerciful." Then your comment to another questioning about you being positive about being unmerciful was "Have you never ever done something that may be considered less than stellar in the eyes of others?" Maybe I have been unmerciful in that my tone is not always the most gentle, BUT I immediately check myself on that and regret. The thought that you could put a small child in a corner "completely isolated" for the "entire day" and not at some point think that is wrong is scary to me. Her parents trusted you and that is what you do? So let me tell you what I am doing. I called CPS and read those comments to them and they agree that that is boderline abuse and that they would check into it if I could get all of your information. Oh and I called the one in your city:) That way I do not have to explain the whole story all over again. All I need is your last name, which I am working on. Care to share?
    Thanks!
    Kelly
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  23. Kelly--Perhaps you have misinterpreted my comments. Or perhaps I didn't explain them clearly enough. First of all, she's not a small child..she's 4 years old. She is old enough to understand right from wrong. The rules were explained to her when she started coming to my house. It was explained that if she threw temper tantrums, she would stand in the corner. If she hit, she stands in the corner. If she is disrespectful to me or my daughter, she stands in the corner. I refuse to bend the rules because she chooses to break them over and over and over again. She stood in the corner for 4 minute intervals, would get out of the corner, apologize, get hugs, and then do the behavior again. So, what is it that you all would have me do? I've asked before and so far no one has given me any pearls of wisdom. How would you handle the repeated rule breaking? If I give her a warning for hitting, and she does it again, receives a time out (or in the corner), and the behavior constantly repeats itself, should I just ignore it? Let her continue to hit me and my daughter (who is younger and smaller?) If my daughter breaks the rules, she gets the same punishment. It's not like I stand her in the corner for two hours at a time. And I should also mention that the corner isn't in another room. She is in the corner in the living room, or whatever room we happen to be in. You all seem so quick to judge me, but you have not stated what kind of parenting you practice. Or what kind of discipline you use. So, since you're all so dang perfect...enlighten me...tell me what to do. Oh, and Kelly, the mother of the child is aware of all that goes on at my house. I tell her, her daughter tells her, we have weekly discussions about everything. I'm not trying to hide anything. My children, and the child I care for are well tended. They are not beaten, starved or locked up. I don't do drugs, drink or smoke. I think your time and effort could be used to really help a child that needs it. You seem to have a lot of time on your hands. Perhaps you should go volunteer at a soup kitchen to burn some of your time.
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  24. LOL the mention of CPS sure has the magical power to change a story doesn't it?!

    If a four year old isn't a small child who is? My 9 year olds must be XL children and my 11 year old must be a GIANT child.
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  25. Judge on Judgers! You clearly have nothing better to do. FYI: I'll be calling my local CPS in the morning :D
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  26. Are you kidding me? You called CPS based on a comment from the internet? Shame on you! This poor mother could end up investigated, embarassed and mortified just bcs you disagree with her use of timeout. I hope you never have to have your words turned back on you in such a manner...
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  28. This is Crazy! Shaun is my sister. If you only all personally knew my sister you would know she is one of the best mom's ever! Her kids have great mother! I call her daily for advise on what to do. Yes, the little girl she babysits has allot of issues.(she is from a split family, this causes her allot of anger. She is to young to understand it all) Shaun has helped this little girl become more comfortable when herself. This little girl needs to have someone set boundaries, this way she can know what to expect and when. The little girl's mother is great full that she has such a wonderful babysitter!! And further more, Shaun don't live in a city. Plus if you Call CPS they would not tell you that is abuse. I deal with CPS weekly. My kids mom uses drugs. Guess what, My kids mom put duck tape on his thumb, and taped it to behind his back "so he could not suck it" That is borderline abuse. And if you had any type of intelligence you would know that "she stands her in the corner when she has done something that requires her to have a punishment." When Shaun said that "it was not to be taken litterly". Somedays after this little girls see's her dad(and that is only once a month) she acts out. She needs to understand its not ok to hit/harm another child just because she is angry. Shaun is teaching her how to deal with this situtation properly. To think and talk it out. This does require her to stand and think about it. Then her and Shaun talk about what has happened, and that there are other ways to work it out with out hurting someone else. One more thing, If you call CPS, understand were we are from is a Small area. Everyone knows everyone, so you will look like a fool doing so.They all know us over there, and know that we are good parrents! I could see if you personally knew that "she was abusing children you would call" But you took what she wrote and twisted it. I know my sister loves and is raising her kids to become responsible human beings. Someday they will grow to be something wonderful, because they had boundries. They understood what was wrong from rite. I don't get why if your such a great mother that you waste how much time and effort into putting someone else down instead of doing great things with your kids. On top of that, how old are you? For some reason I fell you must be very young and immature. I know that I spend my days, playing with my kids, talking to family and yes posting blogs! I can honestly say though This is like high school reading what you wrote. Its nasty and mean. Something that would be expected from a young teenager. Not an adult. Spend your time doing something worth your time, instead of waisting it on bashing a great mother, and my best friend. I am proud to say she is my sister, and one of the best moms I have ever seen!
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  29. Shaun,
    "You seem to have a lot of time on your hands. Perhaps you should go volunteer at a soup kitchen to burn some of your time."

    I made one post (now two) and a call to the next county over from yours. That does not mean I have a lot of time:)

    And oddly enough, as some on here can vouch for this, my dh and I are already voluntering this Sunday to help those in need.

    In regards to the little girl, I would be giving her creative ways to engage her and release her energy and anger therefore eliminating some of her tantrums. "How to Talk So That Your Kids Will Listen and Lsten So That Your Kids Will Talk" is a great read.

    K
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  30. Oh and to those that question the amount of time that I have (and this is not meant as an insult to others), I do not even have an account on here. That is how little I post. AND I do not have a blog as say you do, Shaun.
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  31. "Are you kidding me? You called CPS based on a comment from the internet? Shame on you! This poor mother could end up investigated, embarassed and mortified just bcs you disagree with her use of timeout. I hope you never have to have your words turned back on you in such a manner..."


    Sorry, but I will fight for the rights and well-being of any child. When someone says "When I first started watching her, she stood in the corner from the time she got here till the time she left." and "She stands in the corner completely isolated" well to me, that means that a child needs some help.

    How would you feel if that was YOUR child that was completely isolated in a corner from the time you dropped her off until you picked her up? To me that is neglect and lazy parenting/babysitting.

    K
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  32. She does not "isolate" the little girl, She gives her time to think about her actions. So That is not neglect. Futhermore, She did not stand in the corner all day, it was a statement of how bad she was, and that she had a punishment for the negative behavior. Stop twisting it to create drauma in your life. I deal with CPS, allot! They only get involved when there is abuse. Not when some crazy person calls from a statement twisted on the internet is reported. Oh, Please when you call them undertstand that this is time wasted that could be used to help children that need thier help. Like for say ~all the children that are put around drugs, or kids that are victims of sexual assult, or kids that get beat so bad that they cant walk, or kids that need a voice~ See her kids are doing just fine. GROW UP! If you need someone to call CPS on, I will give you my kids moms name. Please feel free to call her. See she uses drugs, and has taken her kids on drug runs, well my list can go on and on. That is why they live with me and my husband. So leave my sister alone! She is a great mother!
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  33. And Maria,

    This is my last post on this:) Yes Maria, the small town of P in which you reside does not have a CPS, nor does your county, but the next one over does. Furthermore, they agreed that a child put into a corner for an ENTIRE day completely isolated may be abuse and would necessitate a visit. Call them yourself and ask (they are not open tomorrow in your area, only emergency calls only---thought I would save you a call).

    "But you took what she wrote and twisted it"
    AGAIN HER WORDS, NOT MINE:
    "When I first started watching her, she stood in the corner from the time she got here till the time she left." and "She stands in the corner completely isolated"

    "I don't get why if your such a great mother that you waste how much time and effort into putting someone else down instead of doing great things with your kids."

    I just repeated her words and said I did not agree. My kids are going places and they will be doing so in a happy, loved frame of mind.

    "On top of that, how old are you? For some reason I fell you must be very young and immature."
    Please let me repeat your OWN words back to you......."I don't get why if your such a great mother that you waste how much time and effort into putting someone else down instead of doing great things with your kids."
    So why are you putting me down and not spending time with your kids oh great mother?


    "This is like high school reading what you wrote. Its nasty and mean. Something that would be expected from a young teenager. Not an adult."

    In my post was basically your sister's words. I do not see how I was mean and nasty. You are the one name calling and putting me down. Maybe you confused my words with hers?

    K
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  34. Aww..sis..I loves ya :D :D :D :D :D

    And K...go shove it! I've so tried to be respectful while you all bashed me for something. When I tried to explain myself further, you all chose to ignore it and stay on your little bandwagon of hatred. SOO...K (who refuses to post her real name..) and pearly (also refusing to post your real name) you can stick your judgmental comments where the sun don't shine. You can ride off on your high horse and go judge someone else. God alone is my true judge, not you.
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  35. Wow, thanks to the wonderful web, and the power of being listed Anonymously, people get ridiculous. Just because a comment was made and without asking for a full explanation of what was said, you feel it is your duty to again "anonymously" report someone you have never met and don't know on a personal level. And to me, a CPS person who tells me that it MAY be abuse and MIGHT warrant a visit is trying to please you and get you off her phone. But that's just me I guess.

    Thanks for the post Upstatemom! Very enlightening.
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  36. You can be critical of our anonymity if you'd like. Unlike you we choose to protect our children and our families a little better. It took me less than five minutes Shaun to get your name from your twitter as well as your state, your husband's name from your blog, and the exact part of the state you live in from a post your sister did on her blog. A quick search in white pages.com gave me your address and your phone number. There wasn't any question it was you as your name was listed along with your husband's as another living in the household. Less than five minutes.

    Criticize us all you want. It cracks me up that you get so riled up over what a stranger on the Internet thinks of you. Anyone who was confident in their actions wouldn't be explaining themselves and defending themselves all over the place like you have been doing, especially to ap perfect stranger. You have changed your story, and it's written out clearly for anyone with a level head to see.

    Maybe what you actually did do to this child wouldn't be abusive in the eyes of CPS, but what you boasted you did would be. I think in the original comment of yours you were just showing off. Showing us that you knew exactly "how to deal" with that kid. I merely wasn't impressed. The only people here twisting words is you, because you obviously didn't say what you meant in your original comment because you've pretty much taken back all abusiveness and have told a pretty different story now.

    And LOL at Ashley T, she thinks I should have nicely asked for an explanation of what Shaun meant when she said she was positive she was unmerciful to a child. I really didn't think there was any confusion. I didn't know Shaun's comments came along with a "you better ask her to explain herself before you believe what she says" clause.
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  37. Okay, okay!! Everyone calm down. I have a few things to say. First, I want to be clear that I took Shaun's original comment to mean more of what she said the first time. Maybe that is because I ran a daycare for so long and so I could sort of envision the situation. Either way I did not see it as abuse and that is why I did not see a call to CPS as necessary. And so I understand that Shaun you felt attacked at being told CPS was being called to investigate you and I understand Maria your need to defend your sister.

    With that being said I have to say that Kelly I am glad you called. Because, personally, I do not think people call enough. I think all too often people see abuse and do not call. It is CPS's job to sort it out (and honestly Maria your situation breaks my heart and I am sorry that it is not being handled better). I wish that people would call CPS whenever they think they see (or hear or read about) abuse. I think less kids would suffer that way.

    And now I am shutting down the comments here. I think this conversation has gotten out of hand and off topic. Which I do not normally mind but in this situation it seems to be more of a fight than a healthy conversation so as the author here I am stopping it. Thank you all for reading and commenting and I hope you'll keep doing so.
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