When Big Brother was a baby my favorite parenting expert was a man named John Rosemond. I thought I wanted to be the type of parent he described 100% of the time. I read several of his books. I read every article of his I could find. I even joined the yahoo forum he had at the time. I love his Children's Bill of Rights. I suppose you could have called me a "Rosemond Parent." I followed an awful lot of his philosophy, almost all of it. I suppose I was never a 100% "Rosemond Parent" but I was close. Maybe as close as I can ever get to being 100% anything.
Over the five years that I have been a parent my parenting style has developed. It has changed. It has changed enough that I now consider myself more of an attachment parent - AP - (or a semi-attachment parent). It has changed because I have changed. It has changed because Big Sister is a very different child than Big Brother is. It has changed because my life has changed. Now do not get me wrong I am not sorry about the way I parented Big Brother. I do not regret it. I do not feel I made the wrong decisions. I just choose to make different ones now.
My last post became quite the debate on attachment parenting. I was accused of not understanding it. Of not be willing to read what Dr Sears has to say. And I want to get something clear - I am more than willing to read what Dr. Sears has to say. I am heading to the library tomorrow to take out The Attachment Parenting Book. My plan is to post my review of the book, the philosophy and the way that I feel people take it and post that review next Thursday. But in the mean time I would like to point something out. In just a quick search of the Dr Sears website I found that he actually says that I handled Big Sister's tantrum that day in exactly the right way. He said:
"If you feel that your child is using tantrums as a tool to get his own way, give him verbal cues and use body language that says you don't do tantrums. Be aware that toddlers know how to push their parents' buttons. If you are a volatile person, it'll be easy for your child to trigger an explosion from you, ending in a screaming match with no winners. You send a clear message when you ignore his fits or walk away. This teaches him that tantrums are not acceptable. This is part of toddler discipline. "
True he also says that there are things that I can (and admittedly should) do to prevent that type of behavior. And I am not saying that there are not things I could have done better. I was never (or well, actually Hubby was never since he wrote the original post) saying that we did not make mistakes that day in church. Yes, it would have been better not to bring in that book. Although, we did not think it would end the way it did because there are plenty of times that she is happy to read a book on her own. When I told her no she started to throw a fit and I was more than happy to hold her. But I needed to take her out of church to be considerate to the congregation. However, when she decided to hit me I put her down and waited for her fit to be over. According to the above quote and the full article it would be exactly what Dr Sears would have me do. So, you see even though I appeared to be being non-AP, I was actually being AP.
And at this point in my parenting I am more of an attachment parent than anything else I suppose. Basically because the AP ideals come sort of naturally to me. So, I follow those instincts. I follow them until I find them to no longer be working. When something seems to be out of whack. When a behavior (and truthfully I am speaking MOSTLY about Big Brother as Big Sister is still too little for any kind of major discipline) seems to be completely uncontrollable and out of sink I go back to Rosemond. I follow his disciplinary strategies a lot. Now I know that most people would think the two could not possibly work together but to me they do. To me discipline and guidance (even when it is strict) go along with attachment parenting.
And so on this Aloha Friday my question to you is do you subscribe to any specific type of parenting and why?
Over the five years that I have been a parent my parenting style has developed. It has changed. It has changed enough that I now consider myself more of an attachment parent - AP - (or a semi-attachment parent). It has changed because I have changed. It has changed because Big Sister is a very different child than Big Brother is. It has changed because my life has changed. Now do not get me wrong I am not sorry about the way I parented Big Brother. I do not regret it. I do not feel I made the wrong decisions. I just choose to make different ones now.
My last post became quite the debate on attachment parenting. I was accused of not understanding it. Of not be willing to read what Dr Sears has to say. And I want to get something clear - I am more than willing to read what Dr. Sears has to say. I am heading to the library tomorrow to take out The Attachment Parenting Book. My plan is to post my review of the book, the philosophy and the way that I feel people take it and post that review next Thursday. But in the mean time I would like to point something out. In just a quick search of the Dr Sears website I found that he actually says that I handled Big Sister's tantrum that day in exactly the right way. He said:
"If you feel that your child is using tantrums as a tool to get his own way, give him verbal cues and use body language that says you don't do tantrums. Be aware that toddlers know how to push their parents' buttons. If you are a volatile person, it'll be easy for your child to trigger an explosion from you, ending in a screaming match with no winners. You send a clear message when you ignore his fits or walk away. This teaches him that tantrums are not acceptable. This is part of toddler discipline. "
True he also says that there are things that I can (and admittedly should) do to prevent that type of behavior. And I am not saying that there are not things I could have done better. I was never (or well, actually Hubby was never since he wrote the original post) saying that we did not make mistakes that day in church. Yes, it would have been better not to bring in that book. Although, we did not think it would end the way it did because there are plenty of times that she is happy to read a book on her own. When I told her no she started to throw a fit and I was more than happy to hold her. But I needed to take her out of church to be considerate to the congregation. However, when she decided to hit me I put her down and waited for her fit to be over. According to the above quote and the full article it would be exactly what Dr Sears would have me do. So, you see even though I appeared to be being non-AP, I was actually being AP.
And at this point in my parenting I am more of an attachment parent than anything else I suppose. Basically because the AP ideals come sort of naturally to me. So, I follow those instincts. I follow them until I find them to no longer be working. When something seems to be out of whack. When a behavior (and truthfully I am speaking MOSTLY about Big Brother as Big Sister is still too little for any kind of major discipline) seems to be completely uncontrollable and out of sink I go back to Rosemond. I follow his disciplinary strategies a lot. Now I know that most people would think the two could not possibly work together but to me they do. To me discipline and guidance (even when it is strict) go along with attachment parenting.
And so on this Aloha Friday my question to you is do you subscribe to any specific type of parenting and why?
22 Comments:
Thanks for your kind words! I love hearing from you.