I suppose that it does not matter if you are having baby number one or number three (or number ten). I suppose no matter what when you add a new baby into your family it takes time to adjust to your new dynamic. I suppose it is expected that you will have easy days and harder days (wait, that may be true even when the baby is not new anymore also). But in truth I suppose it may be true that everyone has to find a balance. And it certainly seems to be true that I need to find a balance.
But right now I am having trouble finding that balance. I am lost and overwhelmed and do not know how to get out from under it. The house is a mess - a combo of stuff from our trip, stuff from the overnight we had at the ILs last weekend and Christmas stuff. The house is half decorated (and I LOVE Christmas and Christmas decorations - it is my favorite time of year). The boxes are everywhere - the kids clothes are in boxes that have not made it into the basement. Everything is everywhere.
And then there are the kids. The kids are wonderful!! And I love them. But they overwhelm me. Today was not a good day. Today the kids and I had a very bad morning. Big Sister and Little Sister were doing a lot of crying while I was trying to get ready to go to gym. They were fussing and unhappy and I was feeling insane. It hurts me to listen to them cry. It makes me feel like a terrible mom. And if that is not bad enough I snapped at Big Brother and yelled at him because his toys were on the floor. I let him have - I was so annoyed. I just lost it.
Because I have no balance. I am still working to find that balance. I am still trying to figure out who needs what and when. When is Big Sister being ridiculous and when does she really need me to sit down and just take a minute with her?
When does Little Sister need to sleep and when does she need to play? Which things can we be a little late to and which thing does Big Brother really need us to be on time for? And what about food for everyone? Is it ready? Am I ready? Etc, etc, etc.
And, of course, maybe the balance comes when I am not looking. When the kids are alone. When they are playing and I am not distracting them. Maybe balance is the thing that is so elusive and out of reach I can only find it when I am no longer looking.
But right now I am having trouble finding that balance. I am lost and overwhelmed and do not know how to get out from under it. The house is a mess - a combo of stuff from our trip, stuff from the overnight we had at the ILs last weekend and Christmas stuff. The house is half decorated (and I LOVE Christmas and Christmas decorations - it is my favorite time of year). The boxes are everywhere - the kids clothes are in boxes that have not made it into the basement. Everything is everywhere.
And then there are the kids. The kids are wonderful!! And I love them. But they overwhelm me. Today was not a good day. Today the kids and I had a very bad morning. Big Sister and Little Sister were doing a lot of crying while I was trying to get ready to go to gym. They were fussing and unhappy and I was feeling insane. It hurts me to listen to them cry. It makes me feel like a terrible mom. And if that is not bad enough I snapped at Big Brother and yelled at him because his toys were on the floor. I let him have - I was so annoyed. I just lost it.
Because I have no balance. I am still working to find that balance. I am still trying to figure out who needs what and when. When is Big Sister being ridiculous and when does she really need me to sit down and just take a minute with her?
When does Little Sister need to sleep and when does she need to play? Which things can we be a little late to and which thing does Big Brother really need us to be on time for? And what about food for everyone? Is it ready? Am I ready? Etc, etc, etc.And, of course, maybe the balance comes when I am not looking. When the kids are alone. When they are playing and I am not distracting them. Maybe balance is the thing that is so elusive and out of reach I can only find it when I am no longer looking.
Oh, mama. You'll find it. I think it might be easier to transition with a brand new baby than a baby Little Sister's age... they just sleep so darn much, and there's not much to figure out aside from hungry and wet.
ReplyDeleteGive yourself permission to aim a little lower than you normally would accept from yourself. It will be okay. You will figure it out.
So happy to hear that you have your three babies at home with you now. Balance may or may not come, but the beauty is in accepting the beautiful chaos that is life. Some days are just messy and loud. Hugs to you and your gorgeous family :)
ReplyDelete(((Hugs)))
ReplyDeleteTake it one day at a time. It'll work itself out. The holidays are chaotic enough, and now you've added getting back from traveling and a new baby to mix. It makes sense that you are overwhelmed. Shoot, if you weren't overwhelmed I'd think something was wrong! ;)
Just slow down. The laundry can wait. The Christmas decorating can wait. But being in the moment and enjoying your kids can't wait.
I think it's great when people post real, honest stories like this. We spend so much time imagining our families together I think that it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking that it will be nothing but sweet snuggles, adorable hair styles, and taking family pictures. I'm sure that stuff is in there, but it's surroudned by a whole lot of, "What the WHAT?!" We all need to remember that it IS hard and it WILL take time so that we can extend grace to others and ourselves. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteI think every mother goes through this now and then. Spend time with your kids and don't worry about the house. Just do a little at a time and it will get done someday!
ReplyDeleteGood luck and I'm sure everything will work out fine. Just think, You have all 3 babies home with you!
The truth is, this is one of the hardest stages of life...having more than one little one at home! Somebody always needs you for something. They have not found their way to self-sufficiency in any manner, except for the occasional attempts at independence that end up requiring clean-up! As a mommy expecting her 7th through adoption with children ranging in age from 2-20, the balancing act continues, but it's different & does get emotionally easier. Notice I said "emotionally"...there are still days that the amount of unfolded laundry in my room is staggering, clutter has magically appeared on the counters & there's a toilet mysteriously clogged.again. But I wouldn't trade it for anything. :o)
ReplyDeleteI expect the same discord when I bring Ella home next year...adjusting to a new little person in the family is something that takes some time to adjust to...but that doesn't minimize the fact that you're overwhelmed. Maybe you can get a little extra help from a friend/family/neighbor...I think if you can get the house in order, you may feel better about things. I know that when my house is organized (somewhat), it makes me feel less overwhemled and crazy. Getting the boxes put away, suitcases emptied, etc...may help. Also, it just takes time to get balance, like you wrote, it will happen...you all will find that balance, that new schedule that works for everyone, in time! ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteThis is a constant struggle in my life as well. I find myself losing it over things that in the end don't really matter. I guess take it day by day.
ReplyDeleteKids are so sweet!!
I hear you, girl. I think it's true that EVERYONE has good days and bad days. No matter the number of kids you have, or how much extra help you have, or ANYTHING. I also do agree that a schedule helps, aiming LOW helps, and also not trying overly hard to FIND that balance. I think it's a step by step process, figuring out little tricks that work, and little things to make life easier. But even after all that, hard days will still show up.
ReplyDelete(((Hugs))) When I've gotten to that point, I find that canceling everything that isn't absolutely necessary & just being in the moment with my kids works best for me. Snuggle, cuddle, read stories, enjoy being a family together....everything else can wait.
ReplyDeleteSo what you are saying is that you are 100% normal :)
ReplyDelete