Ready or Not Here We Go

Am I prepared? That is the biggest question that people are asking me lately. And sometimes what I want to say is "I have no idea." I have no idea how I could possibly be prepared, I mean my bags are packed, immunizations have been given, prescriptions have been filled, emails have been sent, the necessary people have been notified of our arrival, our tickets are booked and paid for, the room at the guesthouse has been reserved, we have confirmation that the kids and I will be picked up at the airport. So, in that sense we are ready. As ready as we can be I suppose.

But I do not think that is what people really mean. I spoke to my mom last week and she was very adamant that I had not given this enough thought. She said that she believed I was putting the kids in danger. She said that I had not given enough thought to what it was going to be like to be the only parent with three children. Stating that it was going to be very difficult. To which I responded, "If Hubby died it would be very difficult on me to be the mom to three kids all by myself but I would still have to do it." At which point my mother chastised me for saying such a thing and informed me that the difference was that Hubby dying would not be my choice - and that this is. And then the argument between her and I commenced.

This is not my choice. None of this has been my choice. It was not my choice for MOWA to close for a week causing our court date to be pushed back by almost a month. It was not my choice for MP not to show TWICE causing us to not pass court. It was not my choice for the courts in Ethiopia to close for two months causing us to have to wait that long before we could FINALLY (miraculously) pass court. It is not my choice for it to take 8 weeks from passing court to embassy date. None of those things are my choice. My choice would have been for her to come home months ago.

And so Hubby and I do not discuss what happens if the internet is unbareably slow. We have heard reports that it is and other reports of people using Skype. We do not discuss the feelings we have about being apart. We do not talk about what happens if the kids or I get sick (a mommy from our agency is over there now and she is super sick - hopefully, starting to get better). We do not discuss how I am going to get through the airports by myself. We do not let ourselves get all worked up about all the things that we think. Because, we are both aware that it will be difficult but it does no good getting all worked up about that now. This is what we have to do - and so it will be fine. God will look out for us and we will be fine. Better than fine - we will be with Little Sister. A friend said to me the other day (and this is a quote - she probably told me who said it but the name escapes me) "Do not worry about the future because it may not happen, and if it does than you worried twice."

I like that. I like it a lot. And so I am thinking of all the happy things that are coming from this travel. I am looking forward to the (somewhat) quiet that will come being there. I am looking forward to the four weeks of not having to be anywhere. Of getting to just enjoy my kids. Nobody waiting for us. I am resigned to the very good possibility that the kids (all three of them) will be sharing the bed with me by the time Hubby arrives. I am comfortable with the fact that they will probably stay up later than normal and I will probably go to sleep with them. I am comfortable with the fact that we may eat at odd times and that our entire version of normal may need to be restructured. I am just simply happy to be going on this trip and to be taking my kids with me. I cannot wait. I am looking forward to every second of it - plane ride and all Okay, that might be stretching it - but my point is that every second of this trip is a once in a lifetime opportunity for my children and I and I am glad we are doing it. Even if it is not really our choice.