"Orphan" - a movie review

Whew. Just in time for National Adoption month, the movie, "Orphan," has been released on DVD. "There's something wrong with Esther." That's what the movie poster tells me, anyway. Such a good line! It’s dark, mysterious, ominous. And what a good character name for a horror/thriller – Esther. Not a common name, but not a particularly strange one, either. Biblical ties. Cool. In fact, each trailer, each movie poster, each everything that has been released about this movie makes it look like this film may hit on exactly what a spooky-scary-heart racing-edge of your seat-screaming-crying-don’t turn out the lights before bed tonight-kind of movie needs. But, is that what is really important? Is that what really matters? I'm honestly not sure.

My wife was very unhappy with the advertising surrounding this movie. She went so far as to sign a petition to ask that it not be released. This, in and of itself, is quite odd for her. She is definitely the, "don't judge a book by it's cover" type. Why then would she sign a petition? Aside from looking awfully cool, the trailer did tend to focus on the adoption of an older (9-year-old) child who has some SERIOUS attachment issues to say the least. "It must be hard to love an adopted child as much as your own." "I don’t think Mommy likes me very much." Yes. From the trailer, this movie seems to strike right at the core of adopting a child – especially an older child. And what does it say? It's not worth the risk of the incredible toll it may take on your family. And not in the John Ritter, "Problem Child," I am going to test my limits to make sure you don’t leave me kind of way. But in the, adopting an older child will wreak havoc on your other children - your "own" children - kind of way. And, so, my wife did not want to give the filmmakers any money. But she is not around right now and she has given me her blessing to view to flick and blog about how much "damage" it might do to folks who are considering adopting an older child. Personally, my gut is telling me that the trailers are as inflammatory as it's going to get - that this is going to be nothing more than a straight up horror film with little to do with adoption aside from setting the initial premise in a modern, "Hey, this is what's popular" kind of way. So, let’s get right down to it. Let’s check out “Orphan” and see if it really is as anti-adoption (no matter what spooks, specters, and mysteries are contained within as well) as the trailer makes it seem. Let’s see if the movie will scare off those folks who are considering adopting an older child. Because, let’s face it, while we all know that it’s just a movie, we are all also convinced that movies are often based in reality. What we forget is that the reality is not necessarily ours. It is the writers', the director’s, the actors'. I have read the real-life stories of a family who brought home an older child who wound up having some really difficult issues to deal with. The real-life story is ongoing. The ending might never be completely happy. However, the real-life story is one filled with endless undying love, hope, and a future. What feeling will "Orphan" leave us with?

Two hours later, here I am. As far as a movie goes - the opening sequence was absolutely terrifying and I could not bear to watch it in the dark. After that, there were a couple of pretty touching scenes establishing such a nice, happy family, despite the hardships that they have endured. They are struggling to make it in this big ol' world and, finally, they can see the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. After that - cookie cutter suspense/horror film. Worth the money to see it at the theater? Nope. Worth the rental price? Nope. In the end, so predictable, it was boring - and I scare easy. But what about the big adoption issue. Was my wife overreacting? It's a shame that the petition was signed by folks who had not yet seen the movie. In my opinion, that hurts the petition's credibility. Somehow, these outspoken folks should have been allowed to screen the movie. Then they could sign the petition confidently and, maybe, more people would listen. If there were a petition to sign now, I would sign it. My wife? Not wrong in the least. Yes, the problem with Esther was ridiculous, outlandish, and completely over-the-top. That is not the point, though. That is not revealed until the last 20 minutes. The first hour and forty minutes can really get into the head of someone considering adoption, even if they "know" it's just a movie. Honestly, I thought that I was going to come back here and write that either people were overreacting or that, at the very least, "Orphan" was a good movie, even if a little inappropriate. No, "Orphan" was a bad movie and people were not overreacting. If you ask me, people should not watch this movie. Obviously, no one should pay to see the film in any way at all. But, above that, watching it at all just risks perpetuating the garbage that the filmmakers are spewing. But, hey, to shut all of us weirdos up, there is a very clear shot of a pro-breast feeding poster. It must be on camera for a good 10 seconds, at least. Isn't that good enough for us? I'll tell you why a poster will not placate me. There have been some good movie lines that pop into my head that are spoken either right before or right after the good guy delivers the winning blow. "You're terminated!" "Hasta la vista, baby!" "Don't **** with the babysitter!" What is that winning line in this movie?

"I'm not your f**king mommy!"

My wife is one smart lady.