I switched Little Sister to breastmilk immediately. I did not give her one single bottle of formula (I'll tell you all about why once I am home). She never batted an eye at the breastmilk. She was happy with it. It filled her belly. She has been thriving on it. I have seen her take amazing strides in her development since I arrived.
When I picked her up she could not sit, or roll over. She could barely hold something in her hand. She sucked her thumb a lot because it was the only thing she could get to her mouth. She kicked her legs up and down but could not reach out and touch them. And now she can do all of those things. She almost pulled herself from laying to sitting today. She copies us - we shake our heads and so does she. I have even seen her try to wave. So, I know the breastmilk is really helping her. Well, that and the love of a family, of course.
But breastfeeding is not going so well. I have tried a few times and it just does not seem to be working. She screams and cries. If she even sees me lift my shirt she screams and cries. She puffs her lips out and tries to push my breast out of her mouth. And I cannot figure out why. At this point this child puts EVERYTHING in her mouth and sucks on it and yet when I try to breastfeed her she will have nothing to do with it.
I have tried nipple shields. I have tried a nursing system. I have hand expressed into her mouth. SHe spits it out! The same stuff she gobbles down from the bottle she spits out in an attempt to get my breast out of her mouth. It is not that she is not gettign enough. I know that she is. I have plenty and it is coming at a good speed. So, that is not the problem. She just HATES it.
I really want her to - for me. It would make life so much easier. Especially on the 15 hour flight home. But I think I am out of ideas. I think we are done trying. I hate seeing her cry like that. And I am afraid if I keep it up I am going to get the revers affect that I want. Instead of creating trust and bonding between her and I am going to create distrust and make her not want me. Right now she sees me and smiles and puts her hands up for me. But yesterday when I tried to breastfeed for awhile (we tried for about an hour) she started pulling away from me whenever I picked her up. I am sad and disappointed but I think we are done. I think breastfeeding is a thing of my past.
The only good thing is that when I get home pumping can be a thing of my past too. I have my freezer all full and waiting and so I can at least be done finding several times a day to sit down and pump. Maybe I would try harder if I did not have that freezer full - but I do not know that that is the right decision. So, I guess it is all bottles for us. :(
You could also try later after she is back at her HOME and yours of course and after giving her time to adjust to being part of your family.
ReplyDeleteYou still have some milk frozen so you know she won't be starving if she does not nurse and that is a very comforting thing. But if your heart is on breastfeeding well give her time, and don't push it would be the best advice I could give you.
She might not be ready for it now but maybe later she will :-)
I'm sorry to hear that you're having trouble. My son never wanted to latch on, so I pumped into a bottle the entire time. It was definitely time consuming. But at least you have a freezer full of the good stuff. I'm sure breastfeeding seems really weird to her, not to mention that she has to work for her food when she breastfeeds as opposed to a bottle. Perhaps it's just too many changes all at once.
ReplyDelete*hugs*
ReplyDeleteIt has to be hard for her to learn to BF after having a bottle for so long. Even so, your freezer full of milk is a huge gift to her, and is a fabulous thing. Maybe this is something that you give up, but in the end...you have Little Sister, she has her family, and she is fed and happy and growing, and that is what's most important.
My daughter hated latching on and your story sounds exactly like ours. She screamed every time we sat down and she was on my lap. We switched to bottles full time and she became a much happier baby and now she loves to cuddle and snuggle with me. Little Sister is still getting the best milk, just not the traditional way. What a great gift you are giving her by providing mama's milk!
ReplyDeleteYou did a wonderful thing for her by pumping and providing her with bottles of breastmilk. Not many would have worked as hard as you did. I'm sorry that breastfeeding isn't working out. You are a wonderful mother and Little Sister is blessed to have you!
ReplyDeleteFrom my experience...take a break from trying to breastfeed her. Just keep giving her the breastmilk in bottle. Wait until you get home and try again. she needs this time to adjust and bond now. The breastfeeding is just to much (in my opinion and experience). Hang in there...she may do in down the road. Dont give up.
ReplyDeleteCaroline
Hang in there mama, you know you are giving her the best whether from the source or not! Sorry the breast just isn't working & that you have to pump on the gosh awful plane ride!
ReplyDeleteI am so proud of all of you! Especially LS!
(I will reply to your email in a min, im slackin big time!)
You are doing an amazing thing by providing little sister with the best start! And it's obvious that it is helping her already! So be proud of yourself for being able to do that much for her! Amazing Mama! So proud of you!
ReplyDeleteaww, i'm sorry that she isn't taking to the breast, but so happy for you that you are being flexible enough to know where to draw the line. it's wonderful that you have milk saved for her and that you realize when continuing to try but affect the bonding process.
ReplyDeleteI think that you not only gave it your best shot, but that you are doing everything in your power to help her grow and develop as best as she can! I don't know why she won't nurse, maybe a lactation consultant can offer ideas, but I think what she eats is more important than how she eats it, you know??
ReplyDeleteDo the best you can. No matter what. That's all we can do, is love them and do the best we can by them.
ReplyDeleteKudos to you for planning ahead and providing that liquid gold!
ReplyDelete