All That Matters

Today I will get on a plane with two of my children and fly to Ethiopia. Once I arrive there I will go to an orphanage and I will pick up my youngest child. I will finally hold her, her siblings will finally hold her. She will be in our arms and a part of our family and all will be as it should . Hubby will, sadly, be missing but even that does not take away from the joy our entire family has at finally being able to hold our youngest member. It is not the picture most people have in their heads when they see a family. It is not what they picture when they envision the first moments with a new baby. Other people might not consider us a "typical" family but this is our family and we are very happy.

We are excited to have Little Sister in our family. We are over the moon excited to have her with us in just a day. We are sad that Hubby will not be there and we will miss him for the two weeks we are away from him. This is longer than the kids have ever been away from him. It is longer than I have been away from him in almost ten years. It is unbelievably scary to be getting on a plane and going to another country where I do not know anyone nor do I speak the language. And yet we are all excited.

But so many people do not get it. People say stupid things to us - they ask invasive, personal questions, they refer to Big Sister as the only child that is "ours," they just do not get it. Some people are very kind but they still do not get it. Some people tell us what a wonderful thing we are doing or they say that we are such good people. We are not particularly good people - we are just people who wanted a baby. And if you know anything about adoption you know there are people out there who think I am the devil incarnate simply for adopting - but that is a post for a different time. When I shared my freezer with you and my intentions to breastfeed Little Sister so many people said they could not believe I had worked that hard. But, any one of them would have, and several of them did, worked very hard to breastfeed their babies. They just do not get it. And I do not get what they do not get. I do not know what is so hard to understand. She is my baby and has been from the day I started out to bring her home - even though that was well over a year before she was born. She was already my baby and I was going to do anything to give her the best I could, just like I did for my other two.

But, then I wonder if that is what Jenna (from The Chronicles of Munchkinland) would have said to me a few years ago. I wonder if she would have sat there wondering how it is, I of all people, could not get it. How could a mother who was so uniquely blessed and gifted by another not get it. How could I not see what she and her family were doing for the wonderful and beautiful thing that it is. See, her family is involved in an open adoption and that is something I most definitely did not get a few years ago. I would have probably said stupid things to her. And if not to her because I would have at least had enough decency to keep my mouth shut - certainly about her. I honestly thought that open adoption was about the first mother not wanting the responsibility of being a parent but still wanted the joy. And I hope Jenna does not hate me for that. I have so much respect for her - as a person, as a writer and as a mom. As a mom to the Munchkin (the daughter she placed for adoption) and as a mom to the two boys she parents every day. She has an unbelievable relationship with the Munchkin and her family. And now I get it. I get that her relationship with the Munchkin is not about undermining the relationship the Munchkin has with her parents. It is about loving her - it is about allowing the Munchkin to continue to know and feel all the love Jenna has for her, even if Jenna is not her everyday parent. And even though I get it I am not sure I am able to do justice to it and explain it well. It is not my life. But I get that they are just as typical of a family as I am.

And I guess no one else needs to "get it." I guess it does not matter what other people think. I guess it does not matter how clouded their view seems to be. I guess all that matters is that we get it. We are comfortable with who we are and how are family dynamics work. We get it.