I want to be the mom who knows what is best for her children and is able to give it to them. I want to be the mom who never yells at her kids. The mom who is always patient. The mom who never feels overwhelmed or tired or in need of a break. The mom who can fix the day with just a hug. The mom whose kids always get enough sleep. Whose kids always make it to practice. The mom who can bake cookies but still has kids who eat healthy. The mom who can hold her baby all day and all night just because the baby is sick. The mom who has outside interests that somehow do not take a second away from her family. The mom who is committed to her marriage and yet does not need to work on it. Who can give all her time to her kids and still have a strong relationship with her husband.
And lately I feel like I am not that mom at all. I am so much less than that mom. I am the mom who feels guilty all. the. time. I am the mom who has to get her sick baby up at 7am to take both kids to hockey practice because my husband works weekend mornings. I am the mom who feeds her kids too much junk food, worries about how chubby the baby is but does not change the family's eating habits. I am the mom who puts her baby down once the baby is asleep because I believe that time alone with my husband is important. But then feels guilty because that sick baby trusted me to keep holding her. I am the mom who loses my temper (a lot) lately because I am overly stressed.
I am the mom who cannot tell what the most important things in life are. The mom who feels that going to hockey practice, even when the baby is sick, is important because he will miss almost a month when we go to Ethiopia. The mom who gets frustrated when my five year old is bouncing on me as I hold the sleeping baby. Yes, he should know better, but I should realize that he has not gotten any attention from me the last two days because I have been holding his sister all day (and night). The mom who is overwhelmed and tired and needs a break.
I am just not the mom I want to be. Not even close. I am not sure I know how to be the mom I want to be. I try - I try as hard as I can. I try to balance it all. And I give every one of them - the kids and Hubby - all the love I have to give. And I do my best to be the mom that they need me to be - even if I cannot be the mom I want to be.
And lately I feel like I am not that mom at all. I am so much less than that mom. I am the mom who feels guilty all. the. time. I am the mom who has to get her sick baby up at 7am to take both kids to hockey practice because my husband works weekend mornings. I am the mom who feeds her kids too much junk food, worries about how chubby the baby is but does not change the family's eating habits. I am the mom who puts her baby down once the baby is asleep because I believe that time alone with my husband is important. But then feels guilty because that sick baby trusted me to keep holding her. I am the mom who loses my temper (a lot) lately because I am overly stressed.
I am the mom who cannot tell what the most important things in life are. The mom who feels that going to hockey practice, even when the baby is sick, is important because he will miss almost a month when we go to Ethiopia. The mom who gets frustrated when my five year old is bouncing on me as I hold the sleeping baby. Yes, he should know better, but I should realize that he has not gotten any attention from me the last two days because I have been holding his sister all day (and night). The mom who is overwhelmed and tired and needs a break.
I am just not the mom I want to be. Not even close. I am not sure I know how to be the mom I want to be. I try - I try as hard as I can. I try to balance it all. And I give every one of them - the kids and Hubby - all the love I have to give. And I do my best to be the mom that they need me to be - even if I cannot be the mom I want to be.
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9 Thoughtful Thoughts so far. What do you think?
What an amazing post! I can totally relate (minus the hockey and Ethiopia things). I would love to be THAT mom. It's hard enough being THIS mom though, and I realize that being this mom, for now, is good enough, because *this* mom is striving every day to improve and I am sure I will eventually be THAT mom... I just hope it happens before they graduate high school. LOL
I've realized in the last week that "mom" and "human" are not mutually exclusive. There's no such thing as a perfect mom, there's no such thing as that mom you want to be. All you can do is all you can do, and your children will be better because of it. No child will ever learn from a perfect mother. Kids need to see that we are weak, we make mistakes, that we try because how else would they know it's okay for them to fail, too? Hang in there. I'm right there with you.
No, no, you can't be that mom, cuz I'M that mom. The mom who wants to do and be everything perfect, all the time, but ends up feeding my kids too much McDonalds and bribes them with cookies to get them to give me some peace before I hang myself in the bathroom.
And ya know what, I really don't know ANY mom who's the "perfect" mom she THOUGHT she'd be.... okay, unless she has ONE child and that child is under TWO --- and to those ladies I say "oh.... you just wait!"
You're doing fine, and so am I, and so is every other mom who loses her patience, feeds the kids chicken nuggets, and needs time alone with her husband once in awhile. We are human. And you don't see the daddies beating themselves up this way, do you?!
There. I fixed it. ;)
I totally know how you feel, but remember - we can't be everything all the time. When kids are sick especially!! You are the best mom your children have - they are so lucky to have you and are not busy comparing you to some imaginary perfect mom, like we tend to do to ourselves. Just take some deep breaths and know that you are the best mom some days and some days you are an overwhelmed mom - but that's okay!
how come i can relate to your post? no matter how perfect we want to be, we are not perfect.. we lose our patience... we get tired... we miss "those" moments with the kids even when we are home...
sigh...
Well put! As you can see, you are not alone in your feelings!
Most moms I know can relate to this, myself included! As much as we'd love to be "super mom", it just isn't possible. We do the best that we can and need to cut ourselves some slack. Like another mama above mentioned, our husbands don't beat themselves up like this for not being "perfect", so why do we?
You're doing a great job! And you're honest about what you're feeling. I think you're an awesome mom!
I think the mom you want to be is fictional! You are a good mom & you are doing your best & for that you are a great mom! I feel the same way though!
Oh, honey! No one is that mom!! Your love and kindness towards your children positively radiate from your blog and the fact that you *want* to be "that mom" makes you wonderful.
You need to make sure your needs are met too. And those of your marriage. Putting a sick baby down to sleep so you can spend time with your husband (after holding her all day and night, no less!) is NOT a bad thing, and certainly not something to feel bad about, although I know "Mommy Guilt" still makes you!
I'd love to be "that mom" too, but instead I'm "James's mom" and he's a happy, healthy, safe little boy who loves me and that's all that matters. You are just the same. Your kids are happy, healthy and safe and they love you, what more could a mommy want?
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Thanks for your kind words! I love hearing from you.