I Really Should Not Watch Private Practice

Way back when I saw the very first episode of Private Practice I told myself not to watch it. And I mean the VERY first one - the one that was still a part of Grey's Anatomy (which I absolutely LOVE and hate to miss for anything). As soon as I saw that Naomi's specialty was fertility I knew better than to watch the show. I really did. And I tried but it is on so conveniently after Grey's and well, last season I got sucked in.

I started to like the characters and started to watch regularly. But I still knew better. And my brain kept warning me that the fertility issue would come back to bite me later. See, I have issues with fertility - as in I am not so sure it is what is best. What shows like that neglect to tell you is that pretty much any Neo-natalogist will tell you that Artificial Reproductive Technology comes with a slew of risks. That they see it everyday. But that is not really why I should not watch. I am okay with that. I get that it is just a tv show. It has no medical responsibility to the community and really if people are going to have ANY medical procedure done they should look into the risks themselves.

The reason I should not watch the show is the way they talk about and discuss "a baby of their own." And things like that. I realize that people REALLY feel like if they do not carry and give birth to the baby they could not possibly love it. I understand that. But I hate seeing on tv all the time. I find it irresponsible to the community at large. The more they depict that attitude on tv the more likely younger people are to accept it and not question it. My friend Slee has talked about the mdeia needing to be more socially responsible and should be showing nursing moms instead of bottle feeding moms. To me this is like that - the community NEEDS to see this for what it is. They need to see more people embracing children out of love and not biology. Oh and if you are wondering what the difference is between this and the medical questions to me the difference is that when having a medical procedure of any kind you should research it. You cannot, however, research how you feel. You cannot feel a certain way because you have seen it on tv and go research that to see if you are right or wrong.

But last nights episode went beyond that for me. In case you do not watch let me tell you. There are two couples who were accidentally implanted with each other's fertilized eggs. Both women are pregnant. This was all dealt with last season and the two families agreed to carry each other's baby and switch at birth. *Sigh* Well, in last nights episode one of the babies had a complication, Addison did surgery but the baby did not make it. When the husband (who had left his wife when she was carrying the other woman's baby) found out he came to her side and they reunited. Leaving the other woman feeling alone. She left. She said she was keeping the baby. The one she was carrying but that had the other family's DNA.

Everyone was all up in arms. Talking about how she "couldn't do that." That the baby "wasn't hers." They went on and on about it. The show ended and she was gone - with the other woman's husband saying he was going to the police or a lawyer or both (I cannot remember). They were getting "their child" back. I was pretty disgusted. What makes that baby theirs? They are not caring for it. His wife will not give birth to it. Oh DNA!!! Poohy on DNA. When I read blogs, or books from first mothers they all talk about bonding with the child. And I get that - they carry the baby for all that time, they talk to the baby, they do things because it is best for the baby. But that has nothing to do with DNA (I should give credit and say that the woman who lost the baby was sad - she talked about how she had lost a baby - the baby she was carrying. She talked about how the two babies were equally hers and the other womans - and that I am more okay with - but I still think DNA is not a bonding factor).

And I came away from the show very upset. This is worse than just wanting a child by birth. This is worse than simply wanting that time of connection as well - it placed all the importance on DNA. And it was not just the upset husband or woman who had lost the other baby. The Drs on the show were saying the same thing. They were appalled that she thought she could keep "someone else's" child. And I am now left with an utterly disgusted and increasingly frustrated outlook. I have read The Primal Wound and understand the theory that a woman's body is forever changed due to the child that she carries and then gives away. That the "child who is separated from his or her biological mother will experience abandonment and loss." I have never been quite sure where I stand on this issue - and I think I may have a better opinion in 15 years - but I wonder who Nancy Verrier would consider the "biological mother" in this case? Since a lot of her theory seems to be surrounded by the fact that the "biological mother" carries that baby and bonds with the baby through that I have to wonder if in this fictional case on Private Practice the woman carrying the baby would be "biological mother."

Now, obviously, I do not think that remaining with the mother who gave birth to you is of the utmost importance. I do think (and I do know people this is true for) that a child can be raised and can flourish with a family that is neither biologically connected nor connected through the act of birth. So, I am not placing the act of pregnancy and birth as the most important thing I am just saying that I am so disgusted with how much importance people like to put on biology that they would consider these children "belonging" with the people who supplied their DNA. But I do remember reading of a case a few years ago where a woman donate eggs while she was in college (meaning she got paid A LOT of money for them) tio another couple who had twins. Five years later the egg donor found out she could no longer get pregnant and since she ahd never had children she decided she wanted the kids of the people who she donated her eggs to. She sued for joint custody ..... and she WON! How ridiculous is that?!?!