We were at hockey practice last week talking to two other moms. One mom has a two and a half year old and the other one has a seven week old baby. The baby was fussing. The baby's mom is letting the baby fuss. She complained about how much the baby wants to be held. She was complaining that her baby would not sleep unless she is being held or she is being rocked in her car seat. Mom was frustrated. Mom said she did not know what to do. I commented that Big Sister was like that too. And that it was the reason I had wound up with all the baby carriers (they have seen Big Sister in one every week for a season and a half :)). The other mom said that a neighbor of hers swore by them. And that this neighbor still wore her 16 month old.
And she said it with obvious disdain. She obviously thought this was ridiculous. The other mom rolled her eyes. And I sat there watching the baby cry in her car seat. Watching mom rock the seat a little and refuse to pick her up. I watched her hold a bottle to the baby while she paid no attention. I watched her get frustrated when the baby did not want the bottle and I watched this mom reluctantly pick up her baby. I watched her obvious annoyance when her baby calmed down fairly quickly after being picked up. And it made me think - was I really like that back then?
I mean I remember being frustrated that Big Sister did not want to sleep in her crib. I remember being sleep derived and tired. I remember that I was scared to let her sleep in our bed (SIDS and all) and so I did not know what to do when she would not sleep in the crib. I remember being so overwhelmed when she constantly wanted to be held and I had a thousand things to do. But was I ever annoyed that she wanted to be held? Did it ever make me frustrated that me picking her up made her happy? I do not remember that.
I remember worrying that if I held her all the time she would never want to be down. I remember worrying that she would always want to be held. I remember that I thought there was something wrong with her wanting to be held all the time. I remember worrying that she would never crawl, or walk. But ss I watched this baby I thought that I cannot believe that anyone thinks letting their baby cry in a car seat was a good idea. I hope that I never did that. I do not remember ever doing that.
And later, after I had gone home, I started thinking about the 16 month old comment. It made me think about how it is only three months from now. And I, honestly, cannot imagine that Big Sister and I will be done with babywearing by then. When will we be done? I do not know. When she is too big for it? When she is two? When she is three? When Little Sister comes home? Well, I have no plans. No set date. No time frame. We will be done when it feels right. Not because Little Sister has come home. That I am 100% positive about. Hubby and I have talked several times about how I can put Little Sister on my front in the Moby and Big Sister on my back in the Ergo (will you all want to see a picture of that?). So, I know that just because Little Sister has come home I will not stop wearing Big Sister. And I will continue to wear her until she does not want me to anymore.
And she said it with obvious disdain. She obviously thought this was ridiculous. The other mom rolled her eyes. And I sat there watching the baby cry in her car seat. Watching mom rock the seat a little and refuse to pick her up. I watched her hold a bottle to the baby while she paid no attention. I watched her get frustrated when the baby did not want the bottle and I watched this mom reluctantly pick up her baby. I watched her obvious annoyance when her baby calmed down fairly quickly after being picked up. And it made me think - was I really like that back then?
I mean I remember being frustrated that Big Sister did not want to sleep in her crib. I remember being sleep derived and tired. I remember that I was scared to let her sleep in our bed (SIDS and all) and so I did not know what to do when she would not sleep in the crib. I remember being so overwhelmed when she constantly wanted to be held and I had a thousand things to do. But was I ever annoyed that she wanted to be held? Did it ever make me frustrated that me picking her up made her happy? I do not remember that.
I remember worrying that if I held her all the time she would never want to be down. I remember worrying that she would always want to be held. I remember that I thought there was something wrong with her wanting to be held all the time. I remember worrying that she would never crawl, or walk. But ss I watched this baby I thought that I cannot believe that anyone thinks letting their baby cry in a car seat was a good idea. I hope that I never did that. I do not remember ever doing that.
And later, after I had gone home, I started thinking about the 16 month old comment. It made me think about how it is only three months from now. And I, honestly, cannot imagine that Big Sister and I will be done with babywearing by then. When will we be done? I do not know. When she is too big for it? When she is two? When she is three? When Little Sister comes home? Well, I have no plans. No set date. No time frame. We will be done when it feels right. Not because Little Sister has come home. That I am 100% positive about. Hubby and I have talked several times about how I can put Little Sister on my front in the Moby and Big Sister on my back in the Ergo (will you all want to see a picture of that?). So, I know that just because Little Sister has come home I will not stop wearing Big Sister. And I will continue to wear her until she does not want me to anymore.
That is sad! poor baby. I can't imagine just letting a baby cry and feeling annoyed by it. I understand frustration, but those ladies sound mean. And YES we want to see a picture of you wearing big sister and little sister at the same time. :)
ReplyDeleteOh, I have such FEELINGS about babies being rocked in plastic buckets! *spits & sputters*
ReplyDeleteI babywore with twins -one front ,one on back. I wore my youngest until he was 3 (because honestly, it was the best way i knew how to contain him! LOL). You do it until it's not right for you anymore :)
Hm. You have me wondering now, too. James was very much a baby who wanted to be held alllll the time, and I was frustrated that I couldn't do anything and so very tired . . . I didn't discover how great slings are until he was about 4 months old and more interested in doing things (and less interested in cuddles). I so wish I had one when he was tiny!
ReplyDeleteI sure hope I wasn't annoyed at him for wanting cuddles, and I'm positive I didn't leave him in his seat and rock it, though!
He's a little whirlwind now and he still brings me his sling when he wants a cuddle. How great is that? (AND he's 16 months - totally not too old!)
This makes me sad too. I know that I never did that because I know that my baby is growing too fast and I won't be able to hold him forever. I don't care if I'm spoiling him because he knows that he is loved. Sometimes I do find myself making comments that I want to take back like to my husband who is a teacher "I wish i could sit down and grade papers and watch tv." But pretty soon I remember that there is nothing I want more than to spend time with my son and I try to appreciate any time I have with him. I think I may have got off topic a little bit there.
ReplyDeleteBut really it is sad that society has come to make moms feel like those moms are. It's too bad that that they have become the majority and they don't know about the "fourth trimester." Not to mention all the positives of holding a baby and meeting it's needs and babywearing.
Keep wearing big sister and wear both sisters soon to show other moms all the benefits of babywearing. I definitely want to see pics of you wearing both!
This is horrible, I can't believe she feels like picking up her child is bad. Even though I didn't wear Ian when he was that little but I still didn't let him cry.
ReplyDeleteI felt bad for the baby as I was reading this. I understand that sometimes it is best to let baby cry. I just don't go longer than a few minutes. If baby is crying, there is a reason. Even if baby just wants to be held. There is no harm in picking your child up and holding him/her. :) and I would definitely love to see you wearing both ! <3 I am glad you don't have a limit on how long you are going to wear big sister. When the time comes, you will know you're ready to stop wearing her. I am sure you'll wear her for quite some time. :) i love the pics !
ReplyDeleteif my 17 month old tolerated it better, and wasn't so long that he kicked me in my knees when i do wear him- i'd still be wearing him. i miss being able to just lean down and kiss his head when he was in the wrap.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this post...it really makes me think about how much I've complained about being a mom sometimes...when, really, it is such a huge blessing and I should always be thankful for my children. Our daughter was SO sick when she was first born and spent 10 days in the NICU. When we finally brought her home, she didn't ever want us to put her down...and I was more than happy to hold her all day long. I was just so happy to have her healthy and home with me. I wish I would have gotten the hang of carrying her earlier, because there were certainly some days I was so worn out that I would lay her in her crib crying and go cry myself. My mom always told me though...you can never spoil a baby by holding them too much. So, I look forward to holding a newborn again with baby #2...and I'm remembering to be thankful and enjoy my daughter today.
ReplyDeleteI understand having a fussy baby. My youngest is extememely fussy, and I have let her cry herself to sleep or fuss, but that was only after trying to soothe her did not help. She is 21 mos old and still fusses everyday! When she hungry, tired or just plain doesn;t get her way. She gets her self so worked up she won't calm down, but I always put forth the effort to comfort her.
ReplyDelete..So sad, such a small baby to allow to sit and cry.
As for carrying.. I carry my 21 mos old still, and at times my 3 1/2 yr old asks if he can get in my sling. SO carry away, if they want you to, do it. There is no Harm in keeping them close!
UGH. Those carrying car seats are THE worst invention in baby products!!! Sore arms, back injuries, bruises on legs (moms). Not to mention the increase in flat head syndrome (babies). Baby wearing is soooo much better for all!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm guilty of rocking my baby in her car seat while she cries. But...it's because she actually likes to be rocked. Lots of times she'll wake up and just need to be rocked a little to fall back asleep. I'd never leave her in there and just let her fuss for a long time! Yikes! Now that I'm more familiar with my Moby, I never even take the carseat out of the car. It's so much easier to take her out and just put her in the Moby. I hate carrying the heavy car seat! I agree with AMtoher'sEarth..worst invention EVER! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you! I hate to see babies in their car seats all the time! I have had several friends and family, including my sister and my in-laws, tell me that when I have multiple children, I won't be able to wear the next baby and I will have to get a carrier car seat(We have used a convertible since the day we left the hospital). WHAT?! That just makes no sense to me.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, when my son was an infant, I did have quite a few older people stop me and thank me for holding/ carrying my baby. I feel the same way- I feel bad seeing those babies in car seats with no physical contact to soothe them.
My 13 month old still has to be held to fall asleep. The same baby wearing critics around me wonder aloud if we have sleeping problems because I wore my son too much and let him sleep that way. I know it's because I'm a full-time working mama and I enjoy that extra cuddle time with him. So, regardless of what my friends say, next time around I will do the same thing. I will proudly wear my baby!
Your post really made me think. After about the first three months of my son's life I started to realize that holding him was not spoiling him at all. I soon got a mei tai around the same time and wore him (all 37lbs now) until early this summer when my pregnancy would not allow it anymore. I still carry my son when he is in situations that he is unsure of. I feel that he is very well adjusted and always knows that he can come back to mom or dad for reassurance.
ReplyDeleteMy biggest thing now is how he is going to handle me wearing his baby sister. I'm due any day now and plan on wearing her from day one at home. I just worry how he will take it all.
I feel so sad for that baby! I wore my oldest dd daily when she was a baby because of the colic & reflux she had and am so glad I did. She needed me more than I even realized then. I still wear her (my 38lb 3 year old) and my sweet 7 month old dd. They need us to reassure them & help them grow into confident, secure people and holding them close is a great way to do so!! I wish more people wore their babies! I try to do so as much as possible in public to help promote the cause!
ReplyDeleteI know as a parent of a 16m old I've already done several things that, looking back, I wish I hadn't. Not bad or horrible things! Just things I think back over and regret, you know?
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry those ladies disdained baby wearing. They probably see it as "too crunchy," you know? I guess they think we've evolved past that or something! Which is, of course, ridiculous, but it's a thought!
To AMother'sCause- I disagree that baby car seat carriers are the worst invention ever. If the baby is asleep, it's great to be able to pop the seat out and carry her in the house or into the stroller. Also, facing a winter in IL with a baby due in less than 4 weeks, I'm excited about being able to load my baby into his seat in the warm house, cover him up with blankets, and run to the car. I'm already going to have to take care of getting DD out to the car and strapped in quickly. Esp. since it is extremely unsafe to put infants and children into carseats in bulky coats and such.
:( Im far from perfect! But :(
ReplyDeleteI'm definitely glad for the safety that infant carseats bring but it IS very inconvenient on long drives with a baby that wants to nurse and be held. Luckily I have figured out how (and am able to) nurse her in the carseat while my husband drives. It just gives me sore ribs from leaning over! Kinda makes me long for the simple days, as they say, when everyone just held their children while driving!
ReplyDeleteI often wonder what mommies think that leads them to NOT try a baby carrier. I held my daughter so much during her early days, sadly, I didn't know enough about all the cool carriers out there, but I'm educated now, and try to teach others, BIG time!
ReplyDelete