People Will Say...

So, I have this freezer full of milk waiting on Little Sister to come home. I mean it is FULL. See it over there? A little ridiculous don't ya think? And originally I figured I would give Little Sister as much breast milk as possible and supplement with formula if necessary. I became kind of obsessed with not needing to supplement with formula and began pumping pumping pumping. I got my body onto a schedule it could handle and have managed to pump out about 16 - 20 oz a day (now remember that is over and beyond what Big Sister eats). It is all sitting frozen in my basement freezer.

So, at first I figured I probably would not even try to actually breastfeed. That I would feed her breast milk (and formula if necessary) but that I would feed her with a bottle. See, the actual act of breastfeeding did not matter to me so much. The biggest benefit I ever heard people quote was bonding - but I know full well how easy it is to bond with a bottle fed baby. As a matter of fact there were times with Big Sister when I missed bottle feeding. Missed looking into my babies eyes as I fed her (like I had done with her brother). Those first few weeks when she was so little and I had to jam her face into me I was so frustrated that I could not see her. And really I do not feel like Big Brother and I lack a bond. So, I figured no big deal. I could pump and feed Little Sister a bottle of breast milk. I would feel good that she was getting the best I could give her and I would not have to worry about teaching her to latch or taking the bottle (which she knew and was comfortable with) away from her.

In the past few months I have changed my mind, however. I have decided that I will try to get her to breastfeed. Because convenience takes over for me once again. I am tired of pumping. I am tired of having to plan my day around pumping and making sure that wherever I am I will be able to pump. I want the ease of just popping her on and feeding her while we are out enjoying the day, or on a plane, etc. I want to be able to just sit down where I am and feed the baby - like every other normal mom on the planet. Not the one who has to go stand in a stall of the bathroom and pump for twenty minutes (because of course, we cannot take all that milk that I have stored with us - it will not be good after an entire day out and about).

I know that this means she will have to learn something new but she learns something new everyday. I won't take her bottle away from her. I will continue to give her bottles as well. For a few reasons. One because she is used to them and I do not want to take them away. Two because I want Hubby to be able feed her as well. Three we do have a freezer full of milk we might as well use some of it.

And I know people will say that I shouldn't.

• People will say I shouldn't give her a bottle. That she will learn to breastfeed faster and easier if we take the bottle away completely.
  
• People will say that I shouldn't breastfeed at all. That she already likes her bottle and why does this have to be about me?
  
• People will say if I want to be done pumping I can always give her formula on the occasions we are out for a feeding.
• People will I shouldn't give her a bottle because of all the bonding time I miss out on.
  
• People will say I shouldn't breastfeed because I won't know if she is getting enough.
  
• People will say.... you get the picture.
  

In the end I am doing what I feel is best for her, me and the rest of my family. See nursing her will make my life easier (and more pleasant because I can give up pumping altogether - yippee!!). It will also make my family's life easier. Because remember, I am not the only one who has to stop what is going on or plan the day around pumping. They don't seem to mind. They have accepted it. But even still it will be easier. And for her - it just does not matter. What is best for her is the milk - no matter how she gets it.