I Had It The Worst But Prevailed

We all talk about how we want to support nursing moms. We all talk about how important having that support can be (because we all know we don't get it from the community at large and some of us do not even get it in our own families). But what do any of us really do? In what ways do we offer to help? When we talk about breastfeeding do we make others feel comfortable or uncomfortable? Do we tell our sweet stories of how we love the way our baby looks lying there or do we talk about how much it hurt? All too often I think we tend to tell horror stories. We tend to want to one up the other women and we get into an "I had it the worst but prevailed" contest (we do it with childbirth too but that is a post for another time). This does no one any good.

What new moms and moms who are having a rough go of it need is someone to be there to advice them. Someone to say that it will be okay. But not someone who says, "yeah, it hurt so awful and then I got mastitis and then it was all infected and then I had to go to the hospital and then ..." No, she does not need that. She needs to know it can be done. She needs to know how it gets better. She needs to know that there is something more than the prize in the "I had it the worst but prevailed" contest.

And sometimes the moms who need us the most are the ones who did not make it. Or are afraid that they won't. See when we push at a mom to prevail against anything and everything we not only hurt her chances right now but we hurt her chances in the future. If we treat another mom badly for choosing not to breastfeed do you really think she will rethink that decision in the future? If we make another mom feel like a failure because she quit after six months with her first child do you think she will breastfeed her second longer? Or do you think she is more likely not to breastfeed at all?

I recently had a conversation with a pregnant woman who said that she was planning on giving her baby both formula and breastmilk because she is planning a vacation for when the baby is about 7 months old. She is not going to be taking the baby and she figured that she would have to give the baby formula then no matter what so why not do so right from the start? Figuring that this way her baby would be used to both and would have an easier time while she was away. She was clearly thinking about what would be best for her baby. If I had pushed her to not leave her baby and to only breastfeed she would not have heard me at all. Instead I was able to talk to her about how long breastmilk is good in a freezer and about how to get started pumping a little extra right from the start. I hope she heard me. I think there is a really good chance that she did. Because I did not criticize her or her choice. I simply offered information from my own experiences that she was unaware of.

My point is that while breastfeeding is the most natural thing ever it is also not always the easiest thing. Especially when you factor in the fact that people all around us disagree with it. Especially when you add in that we have had to defend the decision to onlookers at the mall or at restaurants. To our friends. And even to our families. Just in my own family I have to deal with people who are so against it that they actually object to the girls getting breastmilk no matter how it comes to them (breast, bottle or cup). So, instead of making each other feel bad for not being as successful as us we should be encouraging each other to be successful for ourselves.