To Wear or Not To Wear

So, I love my moby! It has made life easier over the last few months. Just about anywhere we go the moby comes with us. The coach at hockey practice is constantly asking me if I ever get tired of holding her. Didn't I have enough of holding her while I was pregnant? It grates on my nerves but it's okay. I can take all the hassling to do what's best for my little girl.

The thing is now I just don't know if I am doing the right thing. Am I really giving her the best? Should she spend more time on the floor and playing? Am I stunting her? I have actually emailed with Steph over this issue. Just before she put up the post encouraging us all to write our babywearing posts. She is so sweet and she gave me lots of encouragement but I am a worrier so I need to talk it out over and over again. :) Thanks Steph!!

If I follow the attachment parenting play book then I can hold her whenever she wants and know that in the end she will be just fine. Better than just fine actually. She will thrive. She will be ahead of all those babies that are left to cry by their well meaning moms. However, if I follow the non-attachment parenting play book then I know that she will forever be dependent on me and never learn to do anything on her own if I do not put her down (I am exaggerating and sort of making fun of all the people who are always telling me I hold her too much). I know that by putting her down and letting her cry a little she will be more capable. She will advance and learn new skills. And she will not feel any less loved just because I am not constantly holding her like all of those eccentric moms with their babywearing devices.

She is seven months old and not quite crawling yet (Head over to youtube and see her give it a try). She kind of inch worms her way across the floor. But in all honesty she gets really mad when I put her down and force her to do it. Sometimes she does it on her own, on her terms and that she is fine with but if she sees me she gets mad and wants to be held. She will inch her way over to me if I make her but she cries while she does it. I feel awful doing that . I feel like such a bad mom. But then when I pick her up and carry her around I feel like I am not doing enough to encourage her development. So, I still feel like a bad mom.

And so I am left never really knowing what to do. Never really knowing when to go or when to stay. When she only naps for 45 minutes do I go pick her up and put her in the wrap while I clean the kitchen? She'll get enough sleep that way, but will it teach her not to sleep on her own? Do I wear her while I make lunch for the kids? Do I let her cry? Do I try to get Big Brother to distract her (he is great at it, if he is there she does not need anyone else)? If I let her cry I am a bad mom because my baby just wants me and if I pick her up I am a bad mom because I am teaching her to be completely dependent on me. At least these are all things I am told (or that are insinuated) by people I know on either side of the spectrum.

So, what do I do? Which direction do I go? Do I just pop her in the wrap all the time and assume she will grow out of this phase? When she was a younger infant I worried all the time because she did not sleep well (I know what two month old sleeps well). She did not sleep the way her brother did. And then, magically, as she got older she started sleeping. And now she sleeps beautifully (with the occasional naptime where something wakes her up). I keep saying I wish I had spent less time worrying and more time just enjoying her.

And now I worry about wearing or not. I know one day I will be saying I wish I had not worried. I wish I had just enjoyed this time. But I cannot help it. Ah well, you really came for the pictures right?

We will start with Big Brother. With him, as I've stated before, all I had was a Snugli and I am guessing we (Hubby and I combined) used it ten times. These pictures were the only ones I could find of Big Brother in it. They were taken on the same day. On our trip to Guatemala.I do remember using it a few times at the grocery store. We did not have an infant car seat (the ones you can carry the baby in) and once or twice we went grocery shopping and used the Snugli because we had no other place to put him. Partially we did not use it because it was uncomfortable. But I did know about a few other options and I really wanted a ring sling, so if he had wanted to be in it more we might have wound up looking into options more back then. That's the thing, though, he never cared. He was content to play on the floor (as long as he was on his back and NEVER on his belly - that he HATED!!!!). So, he played. He liked the stroller, so he rode. He was always content. Sometimes I would fall asleep on the couch with him. He could easily fall asleep in my arms if we were out. And, of course, he was never dragged to hockey games, or practices because he was the only child at the time. So, really wearing him was not on our radar. We had nothing to question. Which only confuses me more now with Baby Sister.

As for her - well, we did use the Snugli in the beginning. I did not expect it to be such an issue. I did not expect her to want to be held so much. I did not realize that I was about to become part of the babywearing crowd. I did not completely understand the beauty of it. This thing hurt!! Who, in their right mind, would want to carry their baby around like this all day? Not me!! But then she was not content on the floor, she was not just playing alone on the floor. She will fall asleep on the couch with me but not while we are out. If we are out she is too busy looking around. She is okay in the stroller - as long as it is moving. When we come to a stop she gets anxious. So, I was using the Snugli more and more. And my back was aching more and more. I needed a better option. I researched and I borrowed some things from a friend and in the end found my favorite in the Moby wrap. It is comfy. We can use it for hours. Around the house, at the hockey games (you know the ones that we drag her out to because we are now very much a hockey family), anytime really. And we love it. She especially loves it. When she is fussing she calms down just at the sight of it. She knows it will make her all snuggly and warm. She knows I will leave her in there for a long time. She is content and if she is tired she will sleep.

And, yes I want my girl to be happy, but I want what is best for her more. I will deal with crying if that is what I have to do to help her be everything she can be. So, please any advice, thoughts, or words of encouragement are appreciated. And if you really think I am a bad mom I am not sure I want to know. :)