They are ALL mine

I just want to say (not that anyone is listening:)) that I detest when people refer to biological children as "your own." What does that make the others? Someone else's? My son lives with me, he calls me mommy, he cries for me when he is sad, he wants me to kiss his boo-boos, I put him to bed, etc. Of course he is mine.
I spoke with someone today that I had not seen in several months, someone I know strictly for work and see only a few times per year. None the less I have known her for years. She remembers when we were in process for my son. If she thought about it she would know that we were thrilled to be in process now. For work reasons I had to tell her I was pregnant (regulations and other such nonsense). She immediately said "oh look at that . You go ahead and adopt and a few years later you have one of your own." Yes, because my son does not count and I have been hoping for as long as I can remember that I could just have one "of my own." really what do people think? I really wish I had calmly and politely informed her how rude her comment was. How they are ALL mine and just as important. How getting pregnant means nothing to me. I am excited about the baby - of course I am - but the pregnancy is irrelevant. I do not care how my children come to my family. However, I did not. I simply said "well, they are all mine." and she stuttered something about just being in shock and we left it at that. I wish I had said more, but I didn't. Hopefully, the next time I will be better prepared and will remember what I want to say.
Posted on 3/10/2008 Labels: ,

4 Comments:

  1. Oh my goodness! I can't believe someone said that to you.

    Acutally I probably can. I've heard a lot of rude comments just because they know I'm in the process of adopting.

    I love the one where they say..Oh, your adopting from Vietnam.(with a odd look on their face) Were there not any children available in the US? And this was from a doctor!

    They are all yours! And good for you for holding you tongue, it just makes you the bigger person! And Obvisously their not up on thier adoption etiquette.
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  2. Alicia,

    It can be incredible the things people will say. I try to remember that they are coming from a place of ignorance. That they just do not get it, but sometimes I just think "what is there to get? these are my children. I love them." How simple is that? I am sorry a doctor said that to you. Ridiculous!! How many children have they adopted from the US? Ah well!!!
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  3. My mother just made a similar comment today about someone who adopted and had biological children. I made a statement similar to yours.

    The good news is, by putting your story out here, you're helping other people see a full picture and understand it all a bit better.

    Another blogger I once followed was in the process of adopting a little girl when she got pregnant. The adoption fell through as a result and she was heartbroken She wrote things about it that really helped me understand the loss of that promised child much more than I had in the past.

    My mom had this notion that a work friend who got pregnant while in the process of a second adoption should be thrilled to not have to bother with the hassle. I was able to relay the blogger's story and for the first time, my mom understood that this mom was losing another child they were already planning for.

    So, hey, maybe someone out there will refrain from making an insensitive comment because of what they read here.
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  4. Its hard to hear things from friends and co-workers. But when your own child at 4 years of child can determine that they are being treated differently than the other sibblings you know it's bad. My 4 year old said to my mother-in-law, I'm going to town to see my grandma, while sissy stays with you - you are her grandma. UGGGHH. When we go to there house she is soooo excited too, but she says "we are at my sissy's grandma's" How to stop this I don't know. Never pointed it out to her, but it sure infuriates me that I didn't have to.
    ReplyDelete

Thanks for your kind words! I love hearing from you.

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